


Faceless

by MasterTickleBack



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Eventual Smut, Face blindness, Fluff, M/M, Prosopagnosia, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-04-15 02:18:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 33,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4589289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MasterTickleBack/pseuds/MasterTickleBack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prosopagnosia /ˌprɒsəpæɡˈnoʊʒə/ (Greek: "prosopon" = "face", "agnosia" = "not knowing"), also called face blindness, is a cognitive disorder of face perception where the ability to recognize faces is impaired.</p><p>“This is music class right?” He muttered lowly.<br/>“Good morning Himchan. Yes, please sit down.” His teacher greeted him and Himchan let out a breath he had been holding.  He raised his head enough to look at the seats in front of him. They didn’t have regular seats, something Himchan dreaded. He took a deep breath and went towards the only available seat left in class. Next to him a dark haired boy was sitting. Thick lips too. Other than that, Himchan couldn’t tell who it was. That description fit to about forty percent of the school body.</p><p>“Hey Himchan.” The boy greeted him.  The voice was deep and one of a kind. It was purely recognizable as one person only.<br/>“Hey Yongguk.” He replied back. The only person annoying enough to pester him through his first year in the school and he had somehow ended up his only friend.  But even then the slightly older boy knew nothing about his handicap. He just always happened to save Himchan a seat next to him apparently.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter one

Himchan tightened his hold on his backpack’s shoulder-straps. His hold was tight enough to turn his knuckles white. His breathing was coming out in erratic gasps and his pupils dilated with fear. He stood in front of a door. It was identical to any other door in the hallway, safe for the golden numbers hanging on the surfaces. With trembling fingers he let go of the right shoulder strap and slipped his hand into his front pocket. He pulled out a crumbled piece of paper with a schedule printed on it. He swallowed down a deep breath as he read the room number aloud to himself. _Once, twice, trice… Just to make sure_. He looked at the door and nodded to himself. The numbers were the same. He closed to his eyes and counted to ten before he twisted the doorknob and pushed the door open. He looked towards the ground as he felt 42 eyes pointed at him. He swallowed thickly and cleared his throat.  
“This is music class right?” He muttered lowly.  
“Good morning Himchan. Yes, please sit down.” His teacher greeted him and Himchan let out a breath he hadn’t noticed he had been holding.  He raised his head enough to look at the seats in front of him. They didn’t have regular seats, something Himchan detested. He took a deep breath and went towards the only available seat left in class. Next to him a dark-haired boy was sitting. Thick lips too. Other than that, Himchan couldn’t tell who it was. That description fit to about forty percent of the school body.  
“Hey Himchan.” The boy greeted him.  The voice was deep and one of a kind. It was purely recognizable as one person only.  
“Hey Yongguk.” He replied. The only person annoying enough to pester him through his first year in the school and he had somehow ended up his only friend.  But even then, the slightly older boy knew nothing about his dysfunction. He just always happened to save Himchan a seat next to him apparently

 

Himchan took out his books along with his pencil case and placed them on his table. He glanced at Yongguk’s book and read off the page they were working at. He opened his notebook, wrote the date and page number in the corner when a slip of paper was pushed onto his table. He picked it up and read the note before he turned the paper around to write down a reply.

BYG: “I didn’t think you’d come today.”  
KHC: “The bus was late.”  
BYG: “You seemed lost when you entered the room. Something wrong?”  
KHC: “Nothing. I was just unsure about something.”  
BYG: “Okay. If you say so. Let me know if I can help you.”  
KHC: “I do say so, now pay attention.”

Yongguk didn’t send him any more notes during the class, something Himchan was thankful for. He wanted to learn this. He liked music, and it sucked it was always in the first periods they had music. He would rather it was in the afternoon so he didn’t miss anything of the lessons. Yongguk accepted he didn’t want to talk during the lesson and turned to his own notes. The first half of the remaining time went by smoothly. The second half; not so much.  
“Alright, listen up.” Their teacher started and Himchan froze in his seat. When this teacher said like this, it usually meant group work. “I’m going to divide you into four groups. I’m just going to be counting.” He informed and started counting. Himchan looked carefully at the first four the teacher picked and waited.  
_“Three.”_ He was told and his eyes immediately darted to the person he counted as number three the first time. He needed to know who to follow. When everyone had been counted, he kept his eyes glued on his target and got out of his seat, practically without blinking. Without looking for anything else, Himchan walked towards his partner. Said person turned around and caught him looking. Himchan instantly looked away. He didn’t need additional stories about his life or his person to float around school too. Those already there were more than enough. He bit into his lower lip reluctantly as he waited for him to look away. Once again, he looked at him closely and followed him out of the room. Apparently, they wanted to sit in the hallway. Rushing after them, Himchan left the room with his notebook and pen in hand. He stopped outside the room and let his eyes dart around the hallway. Just what he needed. There were too many people to choose between. He had lost the first boy out of sight and he was suddenly lost. Sucking in his cheeks he looked around. What did he wear? Blue shirt. He wore a blue shirt and black jeans. He remembered that much. He looked around desperately and could see five people with the same description.  
“Himchan! Over here!” Someone called. He snapped his head around towards the source of the sound and saw a hand wave towards him. He had no idea who it was that was calling for him. He had been too far gone in his search for his classmates to care about voices now. He rushed over to them and took a vacant seat next to the one who had waved at him. He didn’t know who it was, and frankly he didn’t care either. As long as they could work, he was fine. He had Yongguk and he needed no one else.

 

Himchan entered the classroom he should be in, and placed his bag heavily on the desk. He unzipped the bag and took out all he needed for the class and placed the bag on the floor. He didn’t have this class with Yongguk so he was left to himself. He felt eyes on him but he chose to ignore them. It was probably some new story about him being gay for his classmate that circled between the students now. It wouldn’t be something new. He picked up his headset and popped the buds into his ears and started playing music from his phone. He was almost through the second song when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He pulled the headset out and looked at the one that had poked him.  
“Yes?” He asked when he didn’t start saying anything but just smiled at him.  
“Are you a new student? I’m Daehyun.” The boy introduced himself. Slowly it dawned to Himchan why everyone had been looking. He was in the wrong classroom.  
“No. I’m not. I just got into the wrong classroom. Rough morning ya’know?” Himchan said as he quickly packed away his things with flaming cheeks and made a mad dash for the door and frantically searched for the paper in his pockets so he could check the room number. It was the right number, just a floor too low. He dragged himself upstairs and repeated the ritual from downstairs and got ready to another class.  
“Alright class! Books out.” When the hell did he arrive? I didn’t see him enter.

 

 

One time had to be the first. If it went well, it didn’t have to be the last. Himchan pushed the door open to the school bar. Once every month, the school would allow the stuents to throw a party of some sorts. And since it was somewhat early in the school year, Himchan thought that he of course should join and see if he could have some fun. He had locked his bag in his locker and headed towards the cafeteria where the party was to be held. When he arrived in the room he looked around curiously, the room was stuffed with people, people he was supposed to know who was. He headed towards the bar by the back end of the cafeteria and rested his arms on the surface.  
“A beer please.” He ordered and looked around him as he waited for the bartender to fetch him a bottle and he placed some money on the counter.  
“Thanks.” He said. He turned around and brought the mouth of the bottle to his lips and took a sip of the bitter liquid. He looked around, probably looked stupid too. He tried to see anyone he would know. The longer time he stood there and the closer he got to the bottom of his beer, the more uncomfortable he felt. No one had greeted him. No one had spoken to him aside from the bartender when he questioned _a refill_ and he politely had replied _of course._ A nauseating thought struck Himchan and his half-empty bottle was placed harshly onto the counter behind him.  
“What if they are here and just don’t want to talk to me?” Himchan muttered out loud to himself and felt his vision get blurry. That was most likely to have happened. Of course, they wouldn’t want to spend time with him. Like at all. He was just the silent nerd in class anyways. With heavy feet and heavier heart, he left the bottle to stand on the counter as a reminder of what once was, and left. He shouldn’t have come. He should have gone straight home and studied instead of hoping for something that couldn’t be.

 

“Himchan wait up!” Himchan turned around to the voice that called his name. Someone was running towards him and Himchan placed his hands in his pockets as he waited. He wasn’t exactly sure who was approaching him. He didn’t have enough time to determine who it was from the few words he had heard, even more so when he wasn’t prepared to listen for it.  
“Hi.” The voice greeted him and Himchan furrowed his brows. He knew the voice. He knew that much, but where, when and what relation he had to the voice, he couldn’t recall. Himchan could only parrot the other’s greeting without appearing stupid. He had just gotten off the college grounds and was making his way through the city.  
“Long time no see.” The other said and patted his shoulder. “What are you doing now? I haven’t heard anything from you in years!” The known stranger exclaimed.  
“I guess.” Himchan started before shrugging lightly. “I’m studying music theory and traditional music.” He explained with another light shrug. He had no idea how much the other knew about him or his life this far.  
“Something really happened since…was it five years ago?” The other boy started and Himchan nodded mindlessly. He had no idea how much time it had been anyways, might as well pretend he did. “You see I am in my last year in high school too.” He continued and Himchan nodded slowly. So, he was younger than himself. “Yeah and what you taught me back then really helped me a lot Hyung. I still use it today.” Everything snapped into place at once with that. Junhong. He had been his private tutor when he went to high school himself. No wonder the voice sounded familiar but not something he could pinpoint. Junhong’s voice had matured and gotten deeper and the squeaky sounds he had created half a decade earlier.  
“That’s wonderful. I’m glad it wasn’t a waste of time then.” Himchan chuckled and looked up at the other. “I see your growth caught up with you too.” He switched into a wholehearted laughter at that. Junhong had been so depressed about his lack of height back then. He had been a midget compared to everyone at the same height. The worst memory for Junhong as far as Himchan was aware was when he had to stand on a stepstool behind the girls for a class photo.  
“Where are you heading now?” Junhong asked him and Himchan shrugged lightly. He really needed to come up with a new response to people. It would be so much cooler if he made a backflip instead of shrugging. But that wasn’t going to happen. He hated attracting attention.  
“Home. I have to study for a test next week and prepare a piece of music for music theory.” He said and tilted his head slightly at the other. “How about you?”  
“Just heading home. Nothing special.” He said and Himchan nodded slowly. “Maybe we can hang out some day you aren’t busy.” Junhong suggested and Himchan nodded slowly again. He didn’t know what he had in common with the younger but sure, why not. It could only go completely wrong after all. He took out his phone and handed it to the younger.  
“Your number. I will need it to text you when I’m free.” He said, somehow feeling he needed a reason to want the younger’s number again. Once he got his phone back with Junhong’s number, his name and an adorable smiley, he sent a message to the other.  
“I’ve got to go now. I have a bus to catch.” Himchan said and waved at the taller before walking towards the bus stop. It was quite funny to see Junhong again after all this time.

 

Himchan sighed in relief when he entered the safety of his apartment. It had been a long day and he had had no clue about where anyone had been or who had been sitting where in his class. He was mentally exhausted after trying to keep up, but without knowing everyone’s position from the beginning it had been practically impossible to keep up. With an exhausted yawn, he flopped onto his bed and buried his face into his pillow. Homework could wait until another day.

 


	2. Chapter Two

Himchan was staring at his phone, finger brushing mindlessly against the device whenever the screen threatened to turn black. That emoji was adorable. He needed to text Junhong soon. It had been a good week. Were there any unwritten rules or etiquettes he should know about when it came to making friends? He knew there were some when it came to asking people out, but he wasn’t aware if there were any when it came to making friends. He pursed his lips and flicked his index finger against the screen again before he pressed the symbol to write him a text. Honestly he had had three afternoons off that week, but he didn’t want to seem to desperate to his dongsaeng.

 

_To: Zelo the Giant ( ´_ _・_ _‿-)~_ _♡_ _aka Junhong the Midget (_ _つﾟД_ _ﾟ)_ _つ_

_Ay, cute name you’ve got there (: Anyways, I’m off later today. And tomorrow afternoon too if it fits into your schedule._

_~ Channie_

 

Himchan stared at the text he had written. He felt so awkward with what he had written. Could he really send that? He hovered his thumb above the backspace button before he sighed and moved his thumb up to press _send_ instead. He put the phone down and looked at his computer. He had a movie file open. It was homework. He had to watch a movie. Being a major in music apparently included visual communication – more commonly known as movies or videos – too. But he was too tired to focus on a movie. Watching a movie for three or four minutes was long enough for him to suffer a meltdown. Music videos could kill his brain cells, and now his professor wanted him to watch a full 103 minutes of movie. It would have to wait until the next day, or the weekend. He couldn’t watch a movie. Watching a movie was hard enough as it was, but due to his disability, he needed to watch a movie at least five times to get just the plot. He wouldn’t have figured out the people from each other until then. And then he could spend time on writing the analysis. And by then he would already have spent close to nine hours on the assignment while the others would have spent one hour and forty-five minutes at best. And Himchan would feel like his brain had been deep fried before he was even half way through the first time.

 

_From: Zelo the Giant ( ´_ _・_ _‿-)~_ _♡_ _aka Junhong the Midget (_ _つﾟД_ _ﾟ)_ _つ_

_Hyungieee~, Hey cutie~ I never thought you’d write. I’ve been waiting all week for you to call or text me! I am off today! And tomorrow too! Do you want to hang out both? Or just one is fine. We can meet today. If we are still good friends when we part ways, we can meet again tomorrow._

_xx Your favorite student._

 

_To: Zelo the Giant ( ´_ _・_ _‿-)~_ _♡_ _aka Junhong the Midget (_ _つﾟД_ _ﾟ)_ _つ_

_Hey Midget (; Of course. Let’s meet today and we can see how we knock off now. It would suck if we parted as enemies and we have meet again tomorrow, wouldn’t it? When are you off from school? I’m only doing homework today. I will come to your school and fetch you._

_~ Channie_

 

_From:_ _Zelo the Giant ( ´_ _・_ _‿-)~_ _♡_ _aka Junhong the Midget (_ _つﾟД_ _ﾟ)_ _つ_

_Hyungie so mean to me! Sure thing. I am off at three. I’ll send you a screenshot of where I am. Hopefully you can find it. Just stand by the front entrance! I’ll see you la_

 

_From:_ _Zelo the Giant ( ´_ _・_ _‿-)~_ _♡_ _aka Junhong the Midget (_ _つﾟД_ _ﾟ)_ _つ_

_Later* Shit. My teacher caught me texted. Once more she catches me and my phone is gone forever ;; I’ll see you at three. You’ll get the screenshot in 28 minutes when class ends! I promise_

_~ Your Giant_ _♡_

 

_To: Zelo the Giant ( ´_ _・_ _‿-)~_ _♡_ _aka Junhong the Midget (_ _つﾟД_ _ﾟ)_ _つ_

_Midget, you’re a fucking idiot. I’ll be there at three. I promise. Now pay attention or I’ll have to teach you again. And we both don’t want that to happen._

_~ Channie_

 

Himchan was smiling brightly. He had actually managed to have a proper conversation with Junhong. Well, as proper and normal any conversation with Junhong could be. Junhong wasn’t exactly the most normal kid in Seoul. But Himchan liked him that way. Hopefully he hadn’t grown out of that. He minimized the video window on his computer and opened his note program. He rolled his shoulders a couple of times before he reached for his music theory book and resumed reading – and taking notes. He still had to keep up with class even if he couldn’t work with movies.

 

When the clock struck two and his phone set off with an obnoxious sound of the catchy ringtone he had cropped from SHINee’s Ring Ding Dong. He had been bored a day and the song had been stuck in his head all wake hours prior to the fateful moment. He cropped the song and saved the tone and it had been his permanent sound since back then – and it was now at least three years old on his phones. He killed the alarm and closed his book, saved the note file and closed the lid of his laptop. Himchan stood up and stretched, joints popping uncomfortably until he was sure nothing else could pop. He got ready to leave the apartment and went onto the street, wallet and phone in his pocket.  

 

Himchan stood in front of the school Junhong had sent him the address for. He stood in front of the main entrance and waited for the bell to sound. He had arrived early. Twenty minutes early. He needed to make sure he was at the school in time and that he could mentally prepare for what Junhong would look like. He would tower above everyone else. He would be the tallest of them all. Aside from that, he had no idea what to look for until he opened his mouth. Of course, all uniforms would look the same. He knew that much too. Then all he could do was to wait for Junhong – or Zelo as he apparently called himself – to notice him and come over.

He stood by the entrance, suppressing a start as the school bell rung to sound the end of the day. The high schoolers’ life savior. The doors were pushed open and Himchan barely managed to jump out of the way before his nose would have been smashed into his face. One mass of bodies pressed through the doors, making their way towards the parking lot and the bus stop. For the lucky ones, they headed to simply walk home. His eyes scanned the crowd, eyes lingering on everyone taller than himself. He didn’t find Junhong anywhere, but luckily the taller had found him first. The tall boy waved at him from a little down the path and Himchan smiled widely in greeting as he approached him.

“Hey. I didn’t even see you there. Where did you hide? Did you crawl on purpose to sneak out?” He accused the other as he nudged him playfully with his elbows. The younger laughed and shook his head.

“I walked straight past you hyung. You’re the one who didn’t notice me.” He accused and Himchan couldn’t exactly defend himself in that matter. He most definitely missed the boy coming out of the school building. Himchan shook his head still.

“I definitely didn’t see you come out of that door. You must have been crawling if you did.” He claimed firmly. He knew he was lying and couldn’t be sure if Junhong had in fact come out of the door or not, but he would pretend to not have seen him and hope for the best. Other people would have claimed the same if they could recognize him, right? That’s what he believed.

“Fine, I didn’t. I came from over there.” Junhong admitted and pointed towards another door in the school building which just as many people were leaving through. The oldest couldn’t help but release a sigh of relief. He wasn’t busted at lying and his disability was still a secret that only his family knew about. He couldn’t let anyone know. They would tell him he was only looking for attention. And that was probably the last thing Himchan wanted to be told when he couldn’t even recognize himself in a mirror. He was going crazy with this disability and keeping it a secret, but what could he do? No one would believe him anyways.

“Thank god. I thought I was going blind.” He complained and reached up to ruffle the other’s hair, earning him a whine of complaint in return.

“Only partially. It took you forever to notice me.” Junhong claimed and offered Himchan a pout. It was a pout even Himchan could see. And when Himchan could see that, it meant it was exaggerated. Usually Himchan heard emotions in voices, something he couldn’t read in faces. He could see when people smiled, and that required the smiles to be all teeth and gums before he could be certain.

“Shut up Junhong. Let’s get out of here.” Himchan laughed and shook his head at the younger’s antics.

 

“Hyung, I’ll get us a table.” Junhong said. Himchan had just ordered their hot drinks at the counter in Starbucks and was side stepping to make his way to the delivery-section of the counter. Before he could tell Junhong not to, he had disappeared. Himchan looked around for the boy but couldn’t. The kid had been wearing a school uniform just like more than half of the visitors in the café and he was fucked. As discretely as he could, Himchan tried to scan the café for his friend. Black hair, uniform, taller than average…

“Himchan and Junhong. Americano and hot chocolate with two shots of caramel syrup.” The barista read out loud. Himchan grabbed the cups and walked away from the counter, eyes still scanning the café, heart beating louder and louder in his chest the longer he stood there. He was sure he looked like an idiot, just standing there, looking around like he was lost from the world.

“Himchan!” Himchan turned around. Now he had the general direction. He kept looking around and finally spotted a somewhat reluctant hand raising from a boy wearing the same uniform as Junhong was wearing. Himchan felt a wave of relief wash over him. Please make it that Junhong wasn’t curious about his mess-up.

“Here you go.” He said and slid the cup across the table to the younger and took a sip of his own hot drink, letting the heat soak through the cup and into his palms. It made him feel grounded, like he had a connection with the world.

“Hyu…”

“Taste it. It must be really delicious with the syrup.” He interrupted the younger. He couldn’t see the worry on his face, but he could hear it easily in his voice. Junhong wanted to know what was wrong, and Himchan couldn’t tell him.

“Don’ttrytospeakaroundit.” Junhong said sternly. “I know what you’re doing and don’t you interrupt me nor try to avoid the subject.” Junhong continued. Both of them sat frozen for a couple of seconds. Never had Junhong spoken informally to him like that. “…Hyung?” He added carefully, cutting a small grimace at his slipup. Himchan didn’t comment on it. It was his fault after all. He sighed and looked down at the table.

“Is it that obvious?” He asked and dared a glance up at Junhong who was nodding at him.

“It’s twice you haven’t come over, even if you knew where to find me.” Junhong commented, worry being more evident. Himchan assumed it was because he had gotten his worries confirmed that something was in fact wrong with Himchan. “Did I do something?” Junhong asked, hurt and confusion were evident in his voice. Himchan felt like the worst friend in the world. He instantly shook his head in response.

“No! That’s not it. It’s not you, it’s me.” Himchan said, flinching at how terribly cliché that sounded even to himself. Junhong gave him a look that Himchan had a hard time reading. No smile, no pout, no anything he could see. “Say something.” Himchan pleaded lowly. He needed to hear Junhong’s voice to hear what he was feeling about the situation.

“Tell me what it is then.” Junhong requested and Himchan almost flinched at the tone of his voice. It was obvious his friend didn’t believe him for shit. Himchan released a sigh and knew he had to explain or he would lose a friend. He knew he had to expose himself in a way he hadn’t done to anyone before aside from his family. And to them it didn’t go well.

“I have this thing.” Himchan started and scratched the back of his hair. “I have this thing that makes me unable to recognize faces.” He continued and looked at Junhong for any sign of disbelief or confusion. Again, he might as well have a stoneface. Himchan couldn’t read his expression.

“You’re shitting me, right?” Junhong asked and leaned back in his seat. Himchan saw a smile spread on Junhong’s face. But from the tone of his face it wasn’t a nice smile. It was a venomous smile. It was a smile of disbelief and the desire to make fun of him. Himchan felt himself curl around on himself. He needed to protect himself from what was to come. He was losing his friend either way. Junhong wouldn’t believe him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second chapter of the rewritten version is up ^^ Chapter three is ready and done too but won't be up until late this month ^^ Be patient as I am rewriting it.  
> And please keep comments coming with questions! The more questions I can answer, the more will be added to the story :)


	3. Chapter three

“I can’t recognize faces. I can’t recognize yours, my friends’, my family’s, not even my own. Do you see this?” Himchan asked and pointed to his earring. “I got this to be able to recognize myself. Not many young men in Korea are wearing earrings, so I’m more likely to be looking at myself when I see anyone with earrings.” He explained, not looking at Junhong anymore. He couldn’t make himself. He feared what he would see. “I look at other things. What people are wearing, their hairstyles, their glasses, their jewelry. But what I use the most is voices. I recognize people by their voices and the people I know very well, I can hear who they are on their steps.” Himchan continued his explanation of his disability. All the while he had every single pair of steps in the café under control. He knew when the barista moved, he knew when the costumers left, entered, walked to the bathroom, everything. He knew where everyone were at all times. He knew when someone distanced them and came closer to their table.

“So you can’t even recognize your parents?” Junhong asked, the doubt in his voice could be heard now and Himchan’s heart was beating with hope, heart beating for a possible continuation of their friendship. Himchan shook his head. “No one. Not even my parents, nor myself.” He admitted and looked at Junhong for the first time since he started explaining. He hated rejection. He feared it. That’s why he couldn’t really look at Junhong while he explained in case he would laugh at his face. Of course the family of three had to sit down by the table behind them. They would be able to hear everything. And it only got worse when one of the kids wouldn’t sit down and was determined to run away from the grownup accompanying them. Of course, Himchan couldn’t see it happening, but he could hear it just fine. Why hadn’t he just listened for Junhong’s steps when he had walked away?

“So that’s why you couldn’t find me just now?” Junhong asked and Himchan nodded.

“Yeah. If you had anyone next to you with the same uniform and same hair as you and you switched place why I wasn’t looking, I wouldn’t know until one of you spoke.” He said, trying to give examples that Junhong would be able to relate to if he wanted. He looked at the younger and waited expectantly for his judgement on the topic. Did he believe him, or didn’t he? Only Himchan didn’t get his answer.

“Since when?” Junhong asked instead and Himchan looked up questioningly. “You could recognize me when we were younger. You could recognize me back then. You would call my name from down the street.” Junhong pointed out and Himchan pulled a tight smile.

“I could recognize you from down the street because I knew how you walked, how you stood and how you sat. You’ve changed. You don’t stand the same anymore. Not seeing you for so long makes one realize how much they change. You carry yourself completely different. You’re not slumped over your desk anymore. You’re sitting straight and your walk isn’t clutzy anymore. You grew up, and you’re doing some sort of sport that strengthens your whole body and makes you aware of your posture. You’re probably dancing or something.” Himchan explained, looking at Junhong carefully. “I lost the ability to recognize faces when I was twelve. Long before I met you.” Himchan explained, making Junhong’s head drop slightly.

“I-I…I didn’t know.” He admitted and Himchan let out a small bitter laugh. “You’re the first one to know aside from my family.” He admitted. “Not even my best friend knows yet. I don’t want him to know.” He explained and earned himself a slap to the top of his head from the younger. Puzzled Himchan looked at Junhong with a frown etched on his face.

“You’re stupid to think your friend would turn your back on you because of that. And even more stupid not to let him know something as essential about you. What do you think he thinks when you’re walking straight past him in the hallways without greeting him?” Junhong pointed out and Himchan slumped lightly in his seat. He had never thought of it that way.

“I’m going to have to tell him.” He concluded and Junhong nodded slowly and took a sip of his hot cocoa.

“How do you recognize people when you can’t recognize faces?” Junhong asked. Himchan could hear he was careful with the question. He didn’t mind he asked though. He actually enjoyed talking about it now that it proved that someone was willing to listen to who would actually believe in what he was saying. He hadn’t expected that to happen, really.

“Like I said, I memorize hairstyles, glasses, beauty marks, styles of clothes, ways of standing, walking, sitting. I look at physique. When I know people well enough, I can recognize their steps and hear when they switch shoes. I notice which color shoe laces they have or which earrings they are wearing. I memorize their fashion sense. There are so many things to look at that I can recognize people by, and these are just some and the ones I’m completely aware of. Along with the voice of course.” He added again, feeling like it deserved another mention.

“Wow, you really do notice a lot.” Junhong commented in awe. “And are you able to remember these things for a long time?” He asked and Himchan nodded. “I can usually remember what people have been wearing for like a week or something.” He answered honestly. “Especially colors or if it is a color that is frequent I’m looking for other signs, like if there are any words or something on it.” He explained and Junhong nodded, definitely interested in what he was saying. Who would have thought that anyone would be this interested in his situation?

 

They parted ways after a couple of hours of catching up. Junhong had to get home to his mother’s dinner and Himchan had to go home and think what he should have to eat. Knowing himself he would probably just cook some ramyeon. If he really felt like it, he would add some cheese. He still had to watch that movie too. But first he needed a nap. He had spent way too long in the café for his head to be able to comprehend more. He hurried home, falling asleep on the bus and luckily woke up as he was at the right stop because the doors opened for someone else. He nearly broke a leg on his way out of the bus in his rush not to disturb anyone by delaying the bus. He stood up straight once outside and looked around. Had anyone but those on the bus seen him? He hoped not. That would be embarrassing. He walked back towards his apartment and let himself inside. He sighed softly as he toed off his shoes, walked to his living room and flopped onto the couch. It took him no more than a few seconds before he fell in a deep sleep with his mouth open and snoring loudly. A whole day out with so many people was crazy and nothing short of exhausting.

 

Himchan woke up three hours later, three hours of heavy sleeping. He stood up with a yawn and stretched towards the ceiling, ignoring how his shirt rode up in the process. He went to his dining table and picked up his computer from the surface. He brought it to the couch and plugged in the charger while the device started up.

He was not long into the movie, maybe a minute or two and he already had to pause it. He brought out his notebook and wrote down the names of the characters he had met at the top of individual pieces of paper. On the papers, he then wrote down all information he had gotten in the couple of minutes he had watched. Then he continued and repeated the process. Four hours later he had a good grip on the people and had gotten through the movie of 90 minutes. Once he was done, he started the movie over, turned a page in his notebook and wrote _plot_ at the top. He then started the movie over, followed his notes on the people to keep track and wrote down what the movie was about, when things happened and who did it. He had a good set of notes on the movie that was for sure. Himchan stopped the movie once it came to a finish the second time. It had taken him six hours to watch it twice and he was only now starting to get the better picture, but now he was again too tired to continue. He needed to watch it once more at least before he got the full picture of what was happening to whom, when and why. He stretched again and padded towards the kitchen. He looked into the fridge and frowned at its empty state before he drank something akin to a glass of milk directly from the carton. He grabbed a couple of carrots too, rinsed them under the tap and bit the tip off one to chew on while he went back to the living room. It was too late to do anything, and he was too tired too. He turned off his computer and dragged himself to bed, carrots secure in his hands to nibble on until he crashed. When he woke up the morning after, he still had two whole carrots left, safe for the bite he had taken when he took the carrots from the fridge. He shrugged to himself and brought the carrot to his lips and took a bite off it. He chewed as he stared at the ceiling, contemplating whether or not he should get out of bed. Remembering the movie he had due for the next day, Himchan decided he had to get out of bed shortly, only to run straight back to hide under his covers. He took another bite of his carrot, pushed the blanket aside and went to the kitchen. He set over a kettle of water and arranged a cup with coffee powder. While waiting for the water to boil, he headed to the living room, picked up his laptop and notes and dumped it on his bed, just in time to hear the kettle go off as he started up his computer. With that he headed back to the kitchen made his coffee and brought it with him to bed, placing it on the bedside table. He skimmed the notes, paying attention to the visuals of the characters so he was ready to watch it and actually pay attention to the story development. His idea of the movie was like a puzzle. He had few hundred small pieces, all cut and shaped differently. He had managed to find the edge pieces and got the corner-pieces put in place. Probably half of the edge pieces had been sorted too and was placed correctly. The rest of the puzzle was one huge confusing jumble. He pressed play on the movie for the third time and made himself comfortable with his cup nestled carefully between his palms.

 

Just as he finished the watching the movie for the second time that morning did his phone vibrate. Mentally exhausted from focusing so hard for the better part of six hours, Himchan stretched his arms above his head and shook his head clear of the heavy feeling of watching a movie for so long. He reached for his phone and lifted it, making the screen flash into light and a notification from Facebook, announcing a new message showed. He dragged his thumb across the screen and pressed his thumb to the home button. Fingerprint reading was the best invention since fried rice. He opened the messenger app and read the name. _Moon Jongup_. He knew more people with that name. Which one was it? Was it the one he had practiced guitar with? Or the one he went to high school with? He had gone to a party once with a Jongup… Was he called Moon too? Or maybe it was the Jongup in Junhong’s class? _Hey hyung! I hea…_ didn’t give much away either

 

From: Moon Jongup  
Hey hyung! I heard you spoke to Junhong yesterday :3

 

Ah. It was definitely the Jongup from Junhong’s class. No more confusion.

 

To: Moon Jongup  
Hi Jongup :D Long time no see. Yeah I met Junhong the day before yesterday and we hung out yesterday. He has grown. A lot. Giant ;) How are you? What are you doing these days? Busy with school I presume?

 

From: Moon Jongup

Not really, no. I’m too busy dancing. I was scouted while dancing as entertainment for a soccer game at our high school and I was told to take study half time and use an extra year to finish high school. But I’m perfectly fine with that. I get to dance and that’s what’s most important to me right now. I can study when I break a leg or grow old xD

 

Himchan snorted into his coffee as he read the message and shook his head at the plans. But guessed it made sense in a way.

 

To Moon Jongup

You always longed dancing. I’m glad to hear it’s going well for you two. Anyways, can we talk another day? I’m beyond exhausted. I just did homework since I woke up and I’m not done yet ㅠ_ㅠ

 

From Moon Jongup

Sure thing hyung. Make sure to relax too. I know you love to study, but you need to be social too :)

 

To Moon Jongup

I will!

 

 

How he sounded like his mother had done a couple of years back. Himchan placed his phone down and closed the lid of his computer before he curled up on his bed. Hidden under the blanket he lifted his foot momentarily to knock his heel against the light switch and closed his eyes to sleep for hours. His last thought was a thankful thought to whatever higher power that had invented both Saturdays and Sundays as weekend. He still had to study the origin of jazz. God how he hated school at times. More often than not, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN:// Hey you all. For those who hated Junhong, I hope you're over that now :) He was never meant to be the evil one xD But one can tease a little.


	4. Chapter Four

It was Monday morning and he was up, bright and early. He had packed his homework into his bag along with his laptop and his earphones placed in his ears and connected to his phone on the other end. With his phone in his pocket and the music playing loud, he walked towards his school. He needed to enter the classroom before everyone else this time. He kept his eyes glued on the ground as he walked, only looking up occasionally to make sure he wouldn’t kiss a light pole or something. He didn’t like looking up. He had been confronted by someone from his class at the beginning of the year. They had asked him what his problem was and he didn’t have a clue what they were talking about. Apparently he had been staring _rudely_ one time in the hallway. He had then quickly had to apologize and give a vague explanation of how he didn’t know it was them. He doubted they even believed him. After all, his disability was rare and unlike all the ones people heard about. And it seemed to be an excuse just a little too good not to be made up on the spot. But it didn’t matter. No one would ever believe him if he told them how his life was. They would just laugh and tell him _yeah right_. That was why he kept his eyes on the ground or stared at the ceiling as he walked- He would avoid eye contact with everyone until he was sure they were people he knew.

Safe from light poles and other people, Himchan entered the classroom way earlier than the rest. He had double checked his schedule to make sure he was in the assigned class and sat down at the seat he always seemed to have. Humans were creatures of habits, and Himchan had to say that had its benefits. It made the work of memorizing people’s seats all that easier when they were the same as last time.

As they all started to enter the room, Himchan pretended to look over the notes he had made for homework. In reality he was listening carefully to everything going on in the classroom. He had a mental map. Much like Marauder’s Map from Harry Potter - except all the Abra Kadabra and other stupefying-like spells.

"Hey." He greeted them, each and every one of them, and they parroted it back. Namjoon. Third row, seat four from left. Himchan made a mental note to remember his position in the classroom. Namjoon had barely sat down before two more classmates entered too.

"Hey." Same procedure as last time.

"Hey Himchan." They greeted him back. Jimin and Seokjin. He concluded, but he missed who was who. Sighing I'm defeat he watched where they sat down. At least he would know where they were placed - approximately.

"Hey everyone!" A girl greeted them. Himchan smiled. He always liked Amber. Not _like_ her like her, but she was always open and outgoing. And she was the only girl in the entire school he could recognize from the rest. Of course, he was to like her. Her short hair and boyish attitude made her all that easier to tell apart from the rest. Too girly to be a boy and too boyish to be a girl. She was perfect.

The rest of the class slipped in one by one after that and when class started, Himchan didn't know where five were sitting. To him that was a good start considering they were thirty in his class. Not knowing five was a very good starting point in his mind.

A hand slapped down on Himchan's shoulder and he jumped startled in his seat. He turned around to look at the offender with a glare. Who the hell dared scaring him like that?!

"Easy Chan." Yongguk chuckled and Himchan sighed out in pure relief.

"Bbang." He said and rolled his eyes, trying to pick up his shattered pride, before settling back on his desk. His heart was still pumping adrenaline through his veins and his legs turned jittery at the sudden surprise. He could always hear people approach when he wasn’t listening to music, but somehow Yongguk had managed to sneak up on him. He had barely calmed down when the professor entered their class and started teaching the subject of the day. He took out his notes on the movie and laid them out in front of him. He noticed Yongguk look at his notes a little too long for it not to be for some reason. His notes had caught the other’s interest. Himchan was sure he was being judged for the number of pages he had written on the movie. Himchan forced himself to believe he didn’t care. He had to take the education over his social life.

"Channie?" Yongguk asked from next to him. He gave an almost silent hum in acknowledgement. "What are you doing after classes?" Himchan set down the pencil with this question, blinking in surprise. No one ever asked him that. Like ever.

"I was planning on studying for tomorrow." Himchan started. Drawing out the last syllable to show his plans could be changed, depending on what the alternative was. He was still tired from the weekend, focusing so much on faces and people had him exhausted for what seemed days. But he couldn’t do anything to change it. He had to keep up in class. He could only pray to higher powers he wouldn’t have to work with videos and people later in his life.

"Oh, I was wondering if you wanted to spend the evening together?” Yongguk suggested. If Himchan didn’t know better he would say he sounded nervous, a little sheepish and not at all comfortable with the question. He didn’t understand why he would even ask then. If he was uncomfortable with Himchan outside of school, he shouldn’t be forced to be with him. “But if you want to study for tomorrow you should probably do that. I don’t want to disturb you or take time from your studies.” Yongguk rambled before turning his attention back on his notes. Himchan looked up at the man shortly, wondering what the hell that had been about before he shrugged his shoulders. It made sense Yongguk had withdrawn his invitation.

“Sure. I should probably pay attention to studies.” He said, willing himself not to sound disappointed. And he surprisingly succeeded. An awkward silence settled between them after that. And Himchan hated awkward silences. He hated them with a passion. He had attempted to answer the assignment they had been given for a good five minutes before he dropped his pen onto the table and turned to face Yongguk. The assignment had been fairly easy for Himchan to do. He already had all answers written down in his notes and only had to type them into the assignment document he had downloaded.

“But if you want, we can study together?” He tried. His voice was so careful and soft he was surprised Yongguk had even heard him. The slightly older obviously had considering how his head went up at the question.

“I…” Yongguk started before hesitating, licking his lips. “I was actually thinking we could do that or go to the mall if you want to forget about school for a few hours.” He offered. Himchan nodded slowly. The mall didn’t sound all that bad really. Himchan was happy Yongguk had asked him even if he had seemed reluctant about it at first.

“The mall sounds like a plan. We can go to my place and study later?” He offered. He really needed to work on his relationship with Yongguk. He was the only one he seemed plausible at being a friend outside of school. And he really wanted one to talk to about things. He really wanted a friend. He didn’t know where the sudden idea for going to his place had come from. He hadn’t even cleaned this morning. His breakfast plate was still on the dining table and his bed was unmade. It was too late now to pull back now.

“Really?” Yongguk exclaimed, sounding genuinely surprised by his suggestion.

“Yeah sure. It’s not like I have to watch another movie for tomorrow. An afternoon in the mall sounds like a nice idea.” Himchan said earning himself a weird look from Yongguk. He looked like he wanted to ask him something but the professor glared in their direction and Yongguk fell silent next to him. Apparently, movie analysis wasn’t group work.

 

The class ended sooner than Himchan had expected and something that seemed as simple as going to the mall, had Himchan’s stomach churn nervously. Normally he didn’t mind going to the mall. He would always wear his headset and just walk in his own small world, avoiding eye contact. When he didn’t wear his headset, the amount of noises around him could easily trigger anxiety. If that wasn’t what happened, he would be left exhausted and confused, head throbbing from his attempt to be aware of the location of everyone at all times. And when he tried to sort out the noises that honestly weren’t any of his business, it only left him more tired than he had originally been. And despite knowing all of this, Himchan still couldn’t stop himself from listening to everything. Add to that, this time he had to pay attention to where Yongguk was at all times too. He couldn’t afford his friend to escape from his radar. Of course it would help if Yongguk was aware of his disability, but Himchan had no plans of coming out to him just yet. But he also knew if he kept quiet, Yongguk wouldn’t know how to help him. He wouldn’t even know he _had_ to help him. And Himchan really didn’t want to tell him. He couldn’t bare think about what Yongguk would think of him if he knew what simple thing he wasn’t able to do, all because of a small brain damage. Like, he was literally the definition of retarded. Brain damage. It sounded so…dramatic. It sounded so dramatic when all it did was making Himchan unable to tell people apart. It wasn’t like he lacked other cognitive knowledge.

Himchan took a deep breath and packed his bag as slowly as he could possibly defend against his friend. He was still mentally preparing to leave for the mall. He was still talking himself into trying to have fun. The class they had just sat through, wasn’t long enough for Himchan to be calm about the situation. Not at all, actually.

 

“Ready?” Yongguk asked as he slung his bag over his shoulder and pushed his chair under the table. Himchan felt his heart beat faster in his chest. Faster than he would like to admit. Not because he was close to Yongguk, but because he felt the fear of facing the mall now was stronger than ever.

“As ready as can be.” Himchan announced, trying as hard as he could not to sound strained or constipated and slung his bag over his shoulder. With all senses hyper aware of Yongguk’s whereabouts Himchan walked with the said person towards the exit of the school. He kept his eyes on him whenever he was within sight and simultaneously listened to how his steps sounded. Not that he didn’t know already, but just to make sure. _Dak dak dak dak…dak…dak dak dak dak dak_. They met a group of people heading into the school, Yongguk moved to walk behind him and Himchan had noticed the slight change in his step. Yongguk’s step had been slower when he stepped behind him. Like he was waiting for Himchan to have taken that extra step to make room for him. Himchan was still completely aware of where Yongguk was walking compared to himself. If Himchan switched legs and moved about a foot’s width to the right, Yongguk would step on his heel. He also knew the person walking behind Yongguk had been following them since the first corner they turned and was listening to song number 3 while he had been behind them. The steps had changed rhythm and weight a couple of times and that was a good indication of them listening to music. He heard Yongguk speed up and come up on his right side and Himchan smiled at him.

“Who the hell enters the school _after_ two pm?” Yongguk asked bewildered. Himchan barely caught on to what he was saying. He was busy counting the steps of the man ahead of them. It sounded like Youngjae from their class. Youngjae had borrowed his calculator in math the day before and he hadn’t given it back. He could hear by the way Youngjae was walking, he was wearing flip flops. Youngjae always wore flip flops.

“Those people I’d guess.” He replied and smiled widely. The smile would save his ass if he had misheard something. Smiling that widely and being wrong, was often taken as sarcasm from another person. If he was right with his statement, the smile indicated he meant it. People were weird like that. He looked forward again and relocated Youngjae. It was indeed Youngjae. When the mass of people thinned out, Himchan could recognize his backpack.

“Ay! Youngjae wait up!” He called before he set into a run, hearing Yongguk setting off after him a second later. Youngjae turned around and smiled at him.

“Hey Himchan.” He greeted and placed his fingers in the hoops of his bag.

“Did you bring my calculator today? I would love to get it back.” Himchan asked and found how Yongguk stopped right next to him.

“Yeah, sorry. Here.” He said and swung the bag off his shoulders and pulled it out. The calculator was handed to Himchan and he put it in his own bag.

“Thank you. Have a good weekend.” Himchan told him before he headed out of the school with the older friend. A comfortable silence fell between them for a short while before Yongguk interrupted it.

“If you want we can head to my place and put our bags there? I don’t want to carry mine around.” Himchan shrugged lightly.

“I don’t really mind, but if you want to get rid of yours, sure we can go there first.” Himchan agreed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slightly delayed Christmas present or early celebration of the new year ^^ I hope you enjoyed


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey you all. I'm sorry this took so long to rewrite. Life has been a bitch in the past month or so but I'm slowly getting back on track. Please have patience and don't push for more updates anytime soon.

Himchan and Yongguk were walking together through the mall. Himchan was doing his absolute best not to let the countless steps fill up his mind. He tried to focus on the steps next to him. Yongguk’s steps were all that mattered. It was hard just to focus on that when so many other steps wanted his attention. He almost missed Yongguk talking to him.

“Himchan. Let’s go here.” He requested and pointed to a store with games. Himchan had no idea his friend was a gamer or even liked videogames. He followed his deep-voiced friend into the store and looked around. He stifled a yawn as Yongguk walked around to look at the games. Himchan followed him aimlessly. He had no interest in games what so ever. The closest he came to being a gamer was when he challenged minesweeper on his phone to kill time. And that was when he was stretching his gaming into extremes. He followed his friend around, randomly taking down games he thought looked interesting. If it looked really interesting, he would read on the back. Of course, he kept up with Yongguk, moving along whenever he took a step. He couldn’t afford losing his friend in the store. After having looked at the back of all interesting cases where they stood, Himchan turned to pay attention to the case in Yongguk’s hand. Yongguk had been gushing about the game for minutes. Not that he was particularly interested in the game Yongguk was obsessing about, but he found himself stepping closer and looked over the other’s shoulder.

“What is that?” He asked and reached forward, stealing the case from the other’s hands. He turned the case around and read on the back. It was all about adding to something and making the experience all that better than it already was.

“The new expansion pack is out. I must own it!” Yongguk said, excitement dripping from his voice. Whatever it was, Himchan didn’t understand shit. It was nonsense to him. But he hummed in acknowledgement nonetheless.

“Why don’t you buy it then? You’ve been drooling over it for minutes.” Himchan chuckled and handed the case back to the slightly older. Yongguk shrugged and smiled sheepishly.

“Because I got other things to spend my money on. Something that isn’t a game. Maybe at the end of the month. If I can afford it by then.” He said and Himchan pursed his lips thoughtfully. He didn’t know what Yongguk had to spend money on, but a game didn’t seem all that bad. Yongguk put it back on the shelf with a sigh. There was only a week left of the month, and Himchan didn’t understand why Yongguk wouldn’t spend it on the game already so he could enjoy the game he wanted so much. Maybe Yongguk had spent too much money earlier than month? Himchan didn’t know. They weren’t all that close together it seemed. They were amazing friends in class, but outside, he barely knew anything about the other. It shouldn’t bother him, but it did. A lot more than he’d like to admit. Himchan hoped they wouldn’t end in a problem of awkward silences during their day out. He would hate it if awkward silences settled between them. He hated awkward silences and he didn’t want to realize that Yongguk and him weren’t more than acquaintances.

 

They left the store empty-handed but Himchan had a ton more knowledge about videogames. An expansion-pack was a game that could be installed on top of another game and somehow added more items and stuff to the games. It was basically the cherry on top of the most delicious milkshake. At least if he was to believe Yongguk’s description. He also learned a lot more about what Yongguk liked and didn’t like. And not just about his taste of music. He knew about how much time he spent on playing on daily basis and several other irrelevant information. Like he liked goblins over unicorns and red was his favorite color along with pink.

Himchan had to rearrange his stereotypes after that information. It was irrelevant nonetheless.

They continued to a clothing store. Himchan followed the other’s steps into the store. He had taken note of Yongguk’s shirt and what he was wearing by then. He knew he needed to take notice of that before they got lost. A red shirt, some superhero print on the front, and just red on the back. It should be possible to recognize when he had to look for him.

Himchan’s fingers trailed over fabric as they passed different articles of clothes, eyes constantly darting towards the red shirt walking around in front of him. He wasn’t really interested in the things he saw. It was all too plain. He needed something more. Much like Yongguk he wanted graphic t-shirts, and nothing too mainstream. It wasn’t because they had the same interests. Himchan couldn’t care less for Marvel’s superheroes if he had to be honest, but he did need something other than plain to recognize himself. He had considered other hair colors than black. Something like rainbow hair? Or an odd color like blue or pink? Or maybe red? But he hadn’t dared all of that just yet. He didn’t want to attract unnecessary attention. Another option had been chokers, but then he was back on the unnecessary attention again. It was a game he simply couldn’t win. But as they approached the back of the store, Himchan’s attention diverted to a row of shirts with graphic prints on them. It wasn’t superheroes, it wasn’t swearwords, and it was simply odd enough to be unique without attracting attention. It was simple shirts. He picked up a simple shirt in his size and held it up in front of himself. He turned around to where Yongguk was to show him the shirt, only Yongguk was nowhere to be seen. A surge of something unpleasant washed through his body as he scanned the store, searching for the red shirt with graphic print on the front. His partner in crime for the day was missing and he had no way to find him again. The guy in red was no longer to be seen.

He stood still and looked around the store, eyes darting around from face to face, from body to body in search of his friend. Had he brought a jacket? No, he hadn’t. He was sure of that. He hated being distracted. Being distracted meant he didn’t pay attention to steps and sounds around him. Being distracting meant exposing himself and his handicap to everyone. Being distracted meant being lost and feeling very much forgotten. He scanned the store once again, desperately looking for any sign of his friend.

Frustrated with himself, annoyed and powerless to something as supposedly simple as recognizing people was far out of his reach. The sense of being left behind, ignored and forgotten washed over him. What if Yongguk had just left without him? Logically he knew that wasn’t the case, but the nagging feeling was gnawing at his chest, no matter how much he tried to push it away. It ran cold his back and he felt the telltale prickling behind his eyes. His vision turned blurry and he closed his eyes in angry frustration. Not at the situation, but at himself for being so emotionally disturbed by the situation. He didn’t like it didn’t take more than Yongguk disappearing out of his sight to make him cry in the middle of a store. The more time that passed without seeing Yongguk, the more certain Himchan got about Yongguk having left him. Yongguk wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t. He tried to convince himself he wouldn’t, but he had learned something new about Yongguk today. Something he had no clue about, he wouldn’t be surprised if he had to learn something more too. But he wanted to believe this wasn’t it. Yongguk wasn’t like that. He couldn’t be. Could he? Would he?

Yongguk’s favorite colors were red and pink. He couldn’t be like that. He had always believed him to be more into the military greens than the reds, but he got surprised. Maybe Yongguk wasn’t at all like he seemed. He surprised in colors, he could surprise with leaving Himchan alone too.

Himchan held onto a clothing rack tightly as he felt his throat tighten painfully. A sob was trying desperately to force its way out of him as he clung to the cold metal, feeling like he would fall if he didn’t hold on to the rack for his dear life. A tear escaped his lashes and rolled down his cheeks. How could he even have believed Yongguk wanted to spend a whole day with him? He was stupid and pathetic and he was unable to perform such a simple task as telling people apart. Heck, he couldn’t even recognize himself in a photo. A tear matching the previous escaped onto his other cheek.

“Himchan?” A gentle hand pressed onto his shoulder carefully. “Are you alright?” Himchan knew the voice. It was Yongguk. Relief washed over him like a wave and he turned around to face Yongguk. He didn’t give him a chance to see his state of disarray. Instead he pressed his forehead against Yongguk’s shoulder, keeping himself from hugging the slightly older. Instead Yongguk’s arms wove around his waist and pulled him close.

“What’s going on?” Yongguk asked, obviously worried. Himchan shook his head. He didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to admit how lowly he thought of himself and instead sought comfort in the warmth and security of Yongguk’s hug. _Of course, he hadn’t left without him_. He reached up to quickly dry his cheeks from signs of crying before Yongguk would notice them. Yongguk didn’t say anything after that. He simply held Himchan tightly as he kept silent, letting him collect himself. After a few minutes of picking himself up again, Himchan pulled up and looked at Yongguk, offering him an embarrassed smile.

“You okay?” Yongguk asked as he released him and Himchan nodded slowly in confirmation.

“M’fine.” He said, keeping his response as short as possible. He turned around, his back facing Yongguk for barely a second before the strong hand turned him back around again. Himchan was pleasantly surprised to see a smile on the other’s face. Being faced with a smile was nice. It was one of the few facial expressions he could actually read. And smiles warmed. He smiled back. It wasn’t as wide as it could be under normal circumstances, but the wide gummy smile spread a familiar warmth in Himchan. Yongguk’s smile was warm and easily recognizable. Even for him. And smiles meant happiness. That meant Yongguk liked being with him. Yongguk was happy spending time with him. Himchan’s eyes left Yongguk’s face, not wanting to be caught staring only to notice a pretty sharp change in color. Green?

“When did you wear a green shirt? You wore a red one just before.” Himchan pointed out, looking back up at Yongguk.

“Oh, I was in the changing room just before. You looked engrossed in the shirts and I didn’t want to bother you.” Yongguk explained and Himchan released a sigh of relief, swallowing down the urge to punch Yongguk for doing something so obnoxiously normal, yet completely wrong in his presence. Yongguk couldn’t know until he opened his mouth, and he wasn’t ready to tell about his disability just yet, so the hitting had to wait. Yongguk took a step backwards and out of Himchan’s personal space and made a slow spin. It was almost a twirl but still so definitely not a twirl. It was Yongguk turning. It wasn’t a twirl.

“What do you think?” He asked once he faced Himchan again. Himchan shrugged in response. It was too plain for his liking. It wasn’t unique or a little odd. It was too plain for Himchan to be able to recognize it if he wore it to school.

“I think you could rightfully wear something a little more interesting. Something with graphics on or something.” Himchan said and took a closer look. “But the cut isn’t bad to you. I just think it’s plain.” He said and looked at the shirts he stood by himself. “Maybe like one of these?” He said, holding out a shirt he thought would suit him. Still green and all, basically the same cut but it had a graphic print of Toad – the mushroom from Super Mario Bros – on the front. Okay, Himchan knew a little about computer games. Namely he knew how to play solitaire and minesweeper and then he had tried the struggle of Super Mario Bros only to give up.

“And what about you? Did you find anything?” Yongguk asked him and Himchan shrugged in response. He hadn’t really found anything. Yes, he had found the shirt he had just handed over to his friend. And that meant the shirt wasn’t for him anymore.

“Let’s find you a shirt then.” Yongguk said and looked around. “You like the odd ones, right? The ones that are a little out of the ordinary, right?” He asked and Himchan nodded slowly. He hadn’t thought of them as such, but he guessed Yongguk was right. They were a little weird. He didn’t wear plain shirts or anything. He needed to be recognizable. But Yongguk didn’t need to know that was the reason why. There wasn’t really much he could do to change his style. It wasn’t exactly a style. It was more like a choice of convenience.

“Go try that one on. I’ll look around for a shirt for myself.” Himchan said, looking around. He didn’t want to bother Yongguk with his odd sense of fashion. He watched as Yongguk disappeared behind a curtain and began to look around more closely. He went further into the back, fully aware of what Yongguk would be wearing and what to expect from his friend. He was perfectly confident about him being able to recognize him this time. He was calm. He ran his fingers along the clothes that was hung on racks before a t-shirt caught his attention. It was plain black with white letters. It spelled out _I’m hot_ and Himchan kind of liked it. Not that he believed what it said, but it was daring. It was kind of a small step out of his comfort zone and an attempt to be a rebel. Sort of. It was baby steps. He had to start somewhere. He couldn’t just go from the plain and simple Himchan to a colorful, outstanding, attention seeking version of himself. It didn’t work that way. He had to make a smooth transition. And this seemed like a good place to start.


	6. Chapter Six

“How do you like it?” Yongguk asked from outside the fitting room. Himchan was standing inside, twisting and turning in front of the mirror. It did fit him. That wasn’t really the question. On the other hand, Himchan was busy with deciding whether or not he’d be wearing the shirt. He couldn’t quite decide.

“It fits very well.” He said, making another turn, still doubting. It was something very _very_ bold to have on the front of his shirt. Could he really wear that? Was he confident enough to wear it in public? Was it too bold for him? 

“Let me see.” Yongguk requested. Himchan couldn’t help but notice the excitement in the other’s voice. He smiled, the excitement being contagious, and pulled the curtain aside. Yongguk’s eyes raked over his body and Himchan felt self-conscious. His lips pulled into a tight smile as he was uncomfortable under the scrutinizing gaze. Yongguk smiled and gave him two thumbs up shortly after. 

“Good. I’ll go change.” Himchan said and pulled the curtain as a barrier between them again, releasing a small sigh of relief. And that would be another reason why he didn’t go shopping with people. If he got through the problem of not recognizing people, then he would be too self-conscious to enjoy shopping. He pulled his own shirt over his head and placed the shirt he had gotten from Yongguk on its hanger. He was intending on buying it of course, but he hated people leaving hangers behind in dressing rooms because it was easier. More often than not, he had almost twisted an ankle because he stepped on them on the floor. He pulled the curtain aside and playfully handed over the hanger to Yongguk for him to carry. What he hadn’t expected was for Yongguk to cross his legs and do a small bow as he took the hanger from him. Himchan looked at the man in obvious disbelief, wondered whether or not to take the shirt back. He reached out for it but Yongguk moved it out of his reach.

“Your majesty, let me, your humble servant, carry your desired fabric.” He said. Himchan snorted a laugh and shook his head before he stepped around Yongguk.

“Fine. If you want to carry my clothes, feel free to do so.” He laughed, finding the whole servant idea cute, but also weird and out of his comfort zone too. From then on, Yongguk carried the shirt on its hanger, dangling loosely from his finger. 

“Anything else you’d like, milord?” Yongguk asked and Himchan shook his head. Yongguk’s act was weird and he found his eyes squinting in suspicion. What was he up to? 

“Not really. Not in here at least. My stomach is craving something to work with.” He said. “I think we should find something to eat.” He suggested and looked towards the checkout. “Let’s go pay.” He concluded and went first, letting Yongguk trail after him. He paid for the shirt and took the bag from the clerk. Not even half way out the store, Yongguk’s fingers brushed his own and the bag disappeared from between his fingers. Himchan looked at his friend again, eyes narrowed slightly. What was he up to? Yongguk was acting weirdly. Or maybe this was how he was like outside school? Himchan wouldn’t know. He had no change of knowing. He didn’t really talk to any of his classmates outside of school. And everyone had a certain way of acting in different situations. Yongguk wouldn’t be any different.

“What would you like to eat?” Himchan asked, earning himself a shrug from Yongguk. 

“Just whatever.” He answered and Himchan let out a groan of disapproval. He couldn’t keep his smile off his face nonetheless. 

“And here I thought you’d be more willing to cooperate. We need to figure out what to eat. You could at least be a little more helpful.” He claimed jokingly. 

“Alright, fine. I can pick.” Yongguk said and pointed to the only restaurant that wasn’t Korean inspired or mainstream fast food joints like McDonalds or KFC. 

“You want steaks?” Himchan asked. He was confused. Yongguk had been talking about wanting a game he couldn’t afford and now he wanted to eat the most expensive restaurant at the mall? _Priorities_ Himchan reminded himself. Yongguk found food more important than a game. Himchan agreed. He wasn’t suffering all that much financially. He had two well-paying jobs and a full scholarship for the education. He really had nothing to complain about. 

 

They entered the restaurant, got their seats, and ordered their food. They seemed to be very much similar in their taste of food. At least they somehow ended up with identical orders, safe for the drinks. Yongguk wanted a glass of wine, Himchan was more on the coke side. Himchan though quickly changed his choice to a glass of wine too. It wasn’t like he didn’t want wine, he just didn’t feel like getting alcohol alone, so when Yongguk had ordered a glass of wine, Himchan had filed in on it too. Himchan laced his fingers together, placed his elbows on the table and leaned forward slightly. They had gotten a table towards the back, a window next to them and the other guests were scattered around them, non-too crowded. The lack of people surrounding him reduced the noise too, and Himchan’s ears finally got a much needed break from listening to steps. To voices. There was only one person he should pay attention to, and he was sitting right in front of him. He wasn’t walking and didn’t look like he was going to move from his seat any time soon. Quite on the contrary. He was leaning back in his seat, body language telling he was somewhat relaxed. Somewhat relaxed but fidgety too. He usually sat more still in class, but come to think of it, Yongguk had been more fidgety that day than he usually was. 

They talked. They talked about school, about family, about friends, about Junhong, about Daehyun. Daehyun was apparently Yongguk’s friend. Himchan recalled having met Daehyun one time when he had gotten in the wrong classroom. Himchan wasn’t going to admit to that and he made a mental note not to let Yongguk introduce them to each other. He didn’t want to stand in such an embarrassing situation as that could become. There were simply some things he would rather not experience. Meeting with Daehyun again was one of those things. He was pretty sure he learned about Yongguk and it was more than likely also the case the other way around. At least he hoped Yongguk learned something new about him too. At least he had tried to be more open about his life, safe for his biggest secret. That was the only information about himself he had sworn not to tell him. He didn’t want to lose his friend. And he was sure he wouldn’t stick around once he knew of his big secret. Much to Himchan’s surprise, they had a lot to talk about and no awkward silences appeared between them. He was very thankful for that if he had to be completely honest about it. He had been worried about them not having anything to talk about, but that didn’t seem to be the case. He leaned backwards into his chair. A waiter passed by and took their empty plates before turning to look at Yongguk.

“Would you like to see the menu for dessert?” He asked and Yongguk’s eyes sought Himchan’s. Himchan politely declined the offer. The waiter returned to their table and gave them the bill for their dinner. Himchan didn’t even manage to think about reaching for his wallet before Yongguk’s bank card had made an appearance on the small bowl that held the check. Himchan blinked slowly and tilted his head. He fished out his wallet from his pocket and pulled out his card to lay with Yongguk’s. Silently Yongguk reached out and handed him his card back. 

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve got this. I invited. It’s on me.” He said as Himchan closed two fingers around the plastic card. Himchan shuffled slightly in his seat, eyes scanning over Yongguk’s face. He seemed slightly red on his cheeks. Maybe it was the wine?

“It’s okay, I don’t mind. You can get your game on the way home like this.” He said and attempted to put his card down again but Yongguk wouldn’t let him. 

“Uhm…” Yongguk hesitated and looked off to the side. Himchan assumed he was looking for his words. “Seriously, I invited, I should pay. It’s not because I’m more manly or anything…please don’t take it like that. I’m not trying to… No, never mind. You don’t get to pay. End of discussion.” Yongguk said firmly and smiled at Himchan. The younger blinked a couple of times as he looked at his friend. The Yongguk rambled, the more it seemed like he had ended up on a date with his classmate. 

“Breathe, Yongguk. Don’t hurt yourself.” Himchan told the older. It was kind of cute how he had rambled on in what Himchan believed to be a kind of panic. He watched his classmate as he took in a deep breath and let his shoulders slump slightly.

“You’re right, sorry. But honestly. I wanted to take you out.” Yongguk said and nodded towards Himchan’s hand that still held his card. “Put it away. Dinner is on me.” He told him. Himchan sat like he had been flung back into his chair by the other’s words. _Take him out?!_ The words echoed loudly on the inside of his skull. It wasn’t a date? Was it? Had Yongguk asked him on a date and he had missed every single sign until now? Had Yongguk asked him on a date? Date. 

_Date_. The word sounded foreign in Himchan’s thoughts. No one would want to date him. He was slightly good-looking at best. When taken from the right angle, with the right light and additional help from the right filter and photoshop afterwards he could look that. Otherwise he was normal at best. No one would want to go on a date with him. He brushed Yongguk’s choice of words off him and decided that _no, no one would want that._ With peace in his mind, he let Yongguk pay for the dinner and he placed his card back in his wallet again. He smiled widely at Yongguk and thanked him genuinely for the dinner he had provided him. 

Once Yongguk got his card back from the waiter, the two of them stood up and left the restaurant. Yongguk was still carrying Himchan’s bag without complaint and had childishly held it out of his reach when he had tried to take it back from him.

Himchan was still focusing on Yongguk’s steps. Thankfully the mall was clearing out and there weren’t so many people around to disrupt his focus anymore. He knew a girl from his literature class had passed them a couple of times already. He doubted she had paid them any attention. He could just recognize her way of putting her toes to the floor before her heel. She was a given. She had been the first from the whole school he had learned to recognize the steps from.

“Let’s go to the arcade?” Yongguk asked, pointing towards the entrance to the only place in their city that could be compared to an arcade. It wasn’t a real arcade, but it had a couple of games they could enjoy and spend thirty minutes on. 

“Sounds good.” Himchan agreed and walked towards the entrance. They entered and Yongguk – who obviously had been there before – headed towards the coin machine and bought the tokens they needed for their games before Himchan even had a chance of locating the machine. He was too busy on focusing on Yongguk’s whereabouts to pay attention to his surroundings. He didn’t like Yongguk wandering off like that. But of course he couldn’t let the other know about his dislike. If he did, it would require him explaining himself, and that wasn’t something he would risk. He followed Yongguk to the first game he wanted to play. Two motorcycles lined up next to each other. They were weight sensitive and they would be turning by leaning. At least it wasn’t a game that required Himchan to know the difference between people, and Yongguk would be stuck on the motorcycle for the duration of the game. He could do nothing but approve of this suggestion. He stopped next to the game and waited for Yongguk to pay before climbing on. They were side by side and they followed the instructions to start the game. Once it started, they both leaned to the same side, Himchan leaning towards Yongguk, and Yongguk leaning away from him. He almost felt like losing his balance, but he was quick to return to his original position. Himchan raced the other to the best of his abilities. Obviously Yongguk was more used to arcades than he was. He was leading and far ahead. The only chance Himchan had now was if Yongguk crashed completely. But Himchan didn’t mind. 

“Come on, Channie! You can do it!” Himchan was surprised to hear Yongguk cheer for him. He hadn’t noticed that Yongguk had slowed down his racing and wasn’t driving all that fast anymore. Himchan let out a soft laugh, not quite knowing how else to react. He was put on the spot for not being as good as Yongguk, but he didn’t feel embarrassed. He actually did feel encouraged to drive a little faster and focus a little harder. He leaned left – towards Yongguk – to make the bike turn in the game. At the same time, Yongguk leaned right – towards Himchan – and they ended up bumping their heads together painfully. A groan left Himchan’s lips and he held the side of his head gingerly. He cursed in what appeared to be a whole new language before he noticed Yongguk’s hand on his shoulder.

“You okay?” He asked, obviously worried about Himchan’s head. Himchan mentally cursed himself for not worrying about Yongguk as quickly as Yongguk had worried about him.

“I’m fine.” He claimed and raised his head to offer Himchan a smile. 

“Are you sure?” He asked, hand travelling up Himchan’s shoulder to his head, fingers gently pressing onto the area that made a forming bump. Himchan flinched lightly as he pressed a little too hard and moved away from the other’s touch.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to press so hard.” Yongguk immediately apologized and got off his bike. “Let’s go to the grocery store. It probably has something cold we can put on it.” He suggested and ended the game.

“That’s not necessary. It’s just a small bump. It’ll be over in a couple of days.” He said, not wanting Yongguk to go out of his way to make up for the slight collision. “How is your head?” He asked, but the only shrugged.

“Better than yours.” He concluded without inspecting his own head and held out a hand for Himchan to take to climb off the bike and took the bags in his other hand.

“You’re sure you’re feeling alright?” Yongguk asked, worry etched into every syllable. Himchan might not see it on his face, but he could hear the worry clearly in his voice. 


	7. Chapter Seven

Himchan was sitting in the middle of his parents’ living room. They were watching a movie and Himchan had long ago given up on keeping up. He had given up on the plot only a few minutes into the movie. It was too advanced and tricky for Himchan to keep up with. It was one of those weekends where his parents had demanded his presence on Saturday morning to please the family. It was his younger sister’s birthday and all of the extended family was coming over for a brunch table. It was Friday evening and Himchan didn’t feel like spending his whole evening tiring himself out when he would have plenty of guests in the morning. He knew he would be spending days trying to get over the upcoming celebrating of his sister coming off age. He had fished out his phone and scrolled through different social networking sites. Tumblr, Facebook, Twitter and whatever else he thought of. He liked how Tumblr had tags and how Instagram did too. People using Facebook weren’t as good at tagging people. It was hard for Himchan to keep up with new photos posted. Not to mention the unbelievable amount of picture post jokes. Basically, he could ask himself: So who is this Asian guy with eyes, a nose, two ears and an upper lip? Definitely not Voldemort. Only because he has a nose.

“Himchan? Why aren’t you watching the movie?” His mother asked. It hadn’t been long. They were probably twenty minutes into the movie. Why couldn’t she mind her own business?

“Because I can’t keep up. Too many faces.” He said, letting out a sigh as he had to explain himself to his mother once again. When would she ever understand he was struggling with faces? He even had a diagnosis on it. He had it on paper. The doctor had said he was suffering from prosopagnosia. From face blindness. He didn’t think it was that hard a concept.

“If you focus more you can easily keep up.” She told him and Himchan felt a certain feeling of anger boil inside him. _She_ wasn’t the one who had to struggle with questioning herself in the mirror every morning. She wasn’t the one who had to pay full attention to the way people walk and their voices to make sure to know who they were. Himchan was getting all kinds of tired with his parents’ lack of attempt at understanding his disability. And he still didn’t look forward to the next morning.

“Can’t you two be quiet? I’m trying to keep up.” His sister interrupted them. Himchan sighed again and got up from the couch.

“I’m going to bed. Sorry to disturb.” He said and left the room. It was hardly time to sleep but he didn’t really care. He didn’t want to be in the room where he would be under critique for something he had no control about. If they had just watched a cartoon he could keep up just fine.

He brushed his teeth and climbed into bed. He placed himself comfortably on the pillow and pulled out his phone once again. He connected it to the charger and it lit up the screen.

Himchan hadn’t noticed he had gotten a message while he was brushing his teeth.

 

_From Yongguk:_

Hey Chan, thanks for yesterday ^^ I had fun. I think I forgot my phone at your place. Can I come pick it up?

 

Himchan looked at the phone and blinked slowly.

 

_To Yongguk:_

I didn’t see it earlier. I’m sorry. I’m at my parents’ place a few towns over. Won’t be home until Sunday evening. It’s my sister’s birthday tomorrow. Sorry.

 

_From Yongguk:_  
Oh. Okay. I’ll let you know if I find it. Happy birthday to your sister. I’ll see you on Monday  <3

 

Himchan read the message over a couple of times. Nothing could have prepared him for the heart at the end of the message. Since when had Yongguk begun to send him hearts? Himchan shrugged it off, sent a smiley in return, and settled into the pillow. Even if it was still early in the night, one thing was still for sure: he was still too tired to think about that. Instead he opened for Facebook on his phone and dug a piece of paper of out of his pant pocket on the floor. He had gotten the list of people invited from his mother earlier and he started to search for each person. He opened their pictures and looked through each person. He noted glasses. People tended to wear the same kinds of glasses. He noted moles or anything else that might stand out to him. He made a mental note for the accessories in case they would be wearing the same the next day. It took him a good hour and a half before he was through all of the list and had found images of them online. Or so he hoped it was the right people he was looking at. He had no idea if it was a friend or some iconic person they had borrowed for a short while. He simply didn’t know. He would have to believe in them using their own faces for Facebook. It was past midnight before he locked the screen of his phone and went to sleep, perfectly confident his family had gone to bed too.

 

Himchan woke up the morning after. He felt rested and as prepared as he could. He had slept like usual, his memory was still fresh on information on his family members and how to recognize them and he was overall in a great mood. His aunt was that amber necklace, his uncle wore glasses Harry Potter could be jealous of, his cousin _always_ wore something pink. His grandmother brought her cane along and Himchan was pretty sure he could get through the say without screwing up. He got out of bed, grabbed everything he needed for a shower and crossed the hallway like the devil himself was chasing him. He didn’t like walking around in his parents’ house without clothes. Sure, he was wearing boxers, but that was a small comfort. He preferred being dressed. He was simply too lazy to wear them to cross the hallway only to strip again right after. It was a waste of precious time. He’d rather risk his pride than that. He closed the door behind him and clicked the lock shut before he dropped all his clothes on the edge of the sink. He turned on the faucet in the shower once he had his arms free and stripped himself shortly after. Once the water was warm he entered and let all the dirt and grime from the day before wash off him and down the drain.

 

Himchan left the bathroom refreshed, newly showered and ready to battle the day. He knew he was going to be tired as fuck before the day was over but for celebrating his sister’s birthday it was worth it. After stuffing his used boxers into his bag in his room, Himchan went downstairs to greet his family. His mother placed a cup of coffee in his hand and kissed his cheek while his father gave him a nod over the newspaper. His sister was nowhere to be found in the kitchen.

“She is in the living room, folding napkins for the guests.” His mother told him and he nodded in understanding.

“Right, I better go say hello to her and ask If she needs help.” He concluded and headed out the door at the other end of the kitchen. He walked up behind the girl he called his sister and wrapped an arm around her waist while he held the coffee cup at safe distance.

“Morning you, second prettiest of the two of us.” He greeted her and squeezed her waist before letting her go.

“Morning to you too, sleepy head. I thought you’d be up already.” She claimed and smiled at him over his shoulder. “Ready for the guests to arrive?” She asked and Himchan nodded.

“As ready as I can be when nametags aren’t allowed.” He said, smiling at her. They both let out a chuckle at his lame joke and Himchan returned to the kitchen to get rid of his cup and returned to help his sister.

“Hey, you know…can I ask you something?” He asked, feeling a bit nervous. He needed to ask someone about Yongguk’s heart and what he was supposed to do. He felt like he was failing his friend by not telling him about his disability, but he was also freaking scared he was going to call him crazy and annoy him. His sister turned from getting more napkins to put on the table. She raised a brow at him – Himchan could actually see that – and he knew he was supposed to keep talking. It wasn’t often he was asking for his sister’s help after all.

“Well? Spit it out!” His sister encouraged him when he didn’t continue right away. Himchan shuffled slowly from foot to foot and nibbled on his lower lip.

“Well, there is this guy. He is in most of my classes in school. He raps.” He says as if the information is crucial. “He is like, my only friend in school. Like, a real friend. He saves me a seat and he spends time with me after school. We went to the mall yesterday. And he is like really super nice.” He says and his sister smiles. Himchan could see that too. She was all teeth. Either she was smiling or she was about to growl at him. He chose to believe it was the first. “Well, we are good friends you can say. But I’m worried. I haven’t told him about the prosopagnosia.” He said and she frowned at him. He barely had time to dodge whatever she launched at him.

“You haven’t told him? Himchan you’re a fucking idiot. Do you even know how many times you might have hurt him and you have no idea?” She scolded him. Himchan looked down at the floor and shuffled his feet again before shrugging.

“I don’t. But what if he doesn’t believe me? What if he won’t talk to me again? What if stops being my friend?” Himchan asked, doubt written in every tone of his voice. He can even hear it himself.

“Oh gods, Himchan. What you don’t make me go through.” She said and rubbed her temples. “Don’t you think he will be more hurt to know you don’t trust him with something you can’t do jack shit about anyways? It’s a disorder. You can’t see faces just like some people can’t walk. It’s no different.” She said and put down the napkin she had been trying to fold. She crossed the distance between them and hugged him tightly. “You should tell him. I’m sure he will only try and make your life easier in some way. See, he might end up with green hair or something. You like him, and he is your friend. He won’t be mad at you. I think he will only try and help you.” She argued and Himchan nodded slowly.

“Man up and tell him. He deserves it, and you deserve to be more open about it too. So now tell me more about him. You sounded really fond of him.” She said, giving him a poke in the side.

“It’s nothing. We’re friends.” Himchan claimed and she pulled back, giving him a look. Himchan knows that expression. It’s too obvious. She doesn’t believe him.

“Just friends, yeah. What did you do at the mall?” She asked and Himchan shrugged.

“We went shopping. He insisted on carrying my bags and picked out clothes for me to buy. We went looking at games he didn’t buy because he couldn’t afford it and then we went for dinner. Once we finished we went to the arcade and we played around until it was time for us to go. And apparently, he forgot his phone at my place. He texted me last night about it.” He said, explaining everything that had happened in rough strokes. She didn’t have to know about them knocking their heads together and Yongguk paying for it all.

“Himchan.” She said, suddenly sounding very serious. Himchan looks at her, somewhat worriedly. He nodded at her. He was ready to hear the painful truth she had to share. “He _texted_ you. From his _phone_.” She said. Himchan nodded a couple of times, giving her the expression of ‘No shit, Sherlock’ before it dawned on him.

“He isn’t missing his phone, is he?” He asked and she shook her head.

“Nope. Show me the message he sent.” She requested and crossed the distance between them. Himchan took out his phone and showed the conversation he had had with Yongguk.

Now, the sound his sister graced him with wasn’t appreciated at all. It sounded like a mixture between a walrus in heat and a cat being pulled by the tail.

“Jesus fuck!” Himchan exclaimed and covered his ears, sending his sister an accusing glare. It took no more than a couple of seconds before their parents appeared from the kitchen, one looking more worried than the other.

“I’m sorry.” She muttered, words muffled by her hands she had brought up to cover her mouth. “He sent Himchan a heart.” She tried to apologize and sent her parents an apologetic expression. His parents shook their heads and returned to the kitchen, muttering something about her scaring them half to death.

“So what? He sent me a heart, what’s the big deal?” He asked her once their parents were out of earshot.

“ _So what?!_ Himchan, he likes you!” She exclaimed. “He is obviously looking for a way to see you before the weekend is over.” She deadpanned. “And the heart! The _heart_!” She said and pointed to Himchan’s phone. “Tell me, did he pay for the dinner?” She asked. Himchan tried not to hesitate. He wanted to give a convincing answer to his sister, but apparently, he hadn’t been quick enough to shake his head.

“Liar! He took you on a date and you have no fucking clue.” She concluded and felt her own forehead. “What am I to do with you?” She moaned in feigned pity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayo peeps ^^ I have returned with another chapter for this, and for the those who have been demanding Himchan to stop being so damn oblivious, well, now he was told by his amazing sister (I have a crush on his sister. You'll like her. --- I have a crush on my own character... I think I need help) 
> 
> Anyways, things are starting to happen and Himchan is having his world shook :)


	8. Chapter Eight

Himchan was about to drag his sister to his room and demand answers when there was a knock on the front door.

“Whoops! That’s for me.” She said, fucking winked at Himchan and left. Himchan was left to fold the last few napkins by himself. He guessed he owed his sister that for her _enlightening_ announcement.

“Himchannie!”

Himchan turned around from the table, smile wide on his lips. He looked at the woman who had called his name and approached her. Instead of looking at her eyes or face like any other would while approaching, Himchan’s eyes quickly gave her a onceover. Not judging in any way. He was memorizing the clothes and looked for hints to her identity.

“Be nice to Himchan, Aunt Sumin, he isn’t a kid anymore.” His sister announced from behind her. Himchan breathed a sigh of relief and mentally sent a huge thanks to her. Sumin, jeans and a simple white shirt. He could deal with that, as long as no one else wore the same.

“Aunt Sumin.” Himchan greeted her and bowed respectfully to her. “It’s nice to see you again.” He smiled at her once he straightened up again. She smiled at him and pinched his cheek. Like only aunts would do.

“Aren’t you becoming quite a handsome man?” She asked and patted his cheek. Himchan smiled and tried to keep his ears at bay. She had quite a pinch. Once she turned around and headed for the kitchen, Himchan turned around and cupped his sore cheek, letting out a low hiss.

“Still weak?” Came the question from the doorway. Another female had appeared. Overalls with shorts.

“You be nice to my brother too, Minjae.” His sister assisted again and Himchan was once again thankful.

“Aunt Minjae.” He greeted her and smiled at her. He bowed to her and returned to fold the last napkin. The people arrived bit by bit in the next fifteen minutes and Himchan could successfully combine about 20 sets of clothes with the appropriate name. They had only started the brunch and Himchan was already growing tired. He constantly had to remember what everyone was wearing. Nahyun and Euijun wore almost the same shirts and he was growing increasingly annoyed with it. Couldn’t they like coordinate their clothing before coming to a party? Was that really too much to ask? He thought it probably was when they wouldn’t wear name tags. 

He stood up from his seat and left the table. He bowed shortly before he left the room and went upstairs. He needed a small break and empty his head so there was room for information. He had once listened to a classmate talk about what it was like to have ADHD. Himchan had recognized himself in some of it. He didn’t have ADHD, he knew that much. But he did have a similar problem as they had. He couldn’t sort information. Normal people were usually able to sort important sounds from less important sounds. That was what made them able to have a conversation in a café or to not be distracted by the sound of birds chirping or the constant buzz of traffic. Himchan wasn’t. He picked up all sounds and had to make a conscious sorting of the information he needed to keep and what he didn’t. That’s why he was perfectly aware of everyone’s presence in the dining room at all times. He knew what his father was discussing with his uncle at the other end of the table, and he knew his mom had put something in the oven and his sister had knocked over an empty glass. He needed peace. He flopped down on his bed, plugged a headset in and let himself drown the world out with the sweet bass of the latest title song from BTS. Spring day was orgasmic and on repeat for several rounds while he tried to empty his mind for anything but the song blasting in his ears. He laid still, face buried in his pillow and barely breathing until a serene feeling settled over him. He opened his eyes and reached for his phone. He wasn’t going to check the social medias. He had plenty of social life in the living room. Instead he opened his conversation with Yongguk and looked at their last conversation. A heart and obviously sent from his phone. 

 

_To Yongguk:_

Did you find your phone?

 

He asked, letting the phone fall onto the bed next to him. He didn’t expect an answer right away. But his phone vibrated sooner than he had thought it would.

 

_From Yongguk:_

Nope. Still searching. Let me know if you find it when you get home? How’s the birthday going?

 

_To Yongguk:_

I will. I’ll check it first thing when I get home. Sorry I can’t check it earlier. The party is nice. I’m taking a breather in my room just now. 

 

_From Yongguk:_

Doesn’t sound all that nice if you need a breather?

 

_To Yongguk:_

It’s nothing ^^ Don’t worry about it. I just needed a minute away. 

 

_From Yongguk:_

If you say so. Want me to entertain you?

 

_To Yongguk:_

Yes please. Though I have to go back soon and I can’t bring my phone.

 

_From Yongguk:_

That’s cool with me. 

Also, do you wanna hang out some day? I had fun the other day and I want to repeat.

 

_To Yongguk:_  
Sure. Mall again? Or should we stay in at my place or yours?

 

_From Yongguk:_

We can stay at my place. Monday after school? You can crash if you want so we don’t have to worry about bedtimes?

 

_To Yongguk:_

Sounds good. Monday after class sounds good. What should I bring aside from myself and a toothbrush?

 

_From Yongguk:_

A clean pair of socks and PJs. 

 

_To Yongguk:_

Gotcha. Anyways, gotta go back to the party. I’m missed. I’ll text you tomorrow about the phone.

 

Himchan placed his phone down and unplugged his headphones. He rejoined the party, dumb smile playing on his lips. Once he entered the room again, his sister was by his side immediately.

“What’s gotten you so happy?” She asked, poking his side as if that would make him spill the answers sooner. 

“Texted with Yongguk. He hasn’t found his phone yet.” He said, letting out a small chuckle. “And I’m going to his place on Monday.” Himchan admitted and wrapped an arm around her shoulder to give her a one-armed hug. 

“You seem to like him?” She said though it was more like a question. Himchan nodded. 

“I mean, I don’t like him like him as you seem to believe. But he is a nice friend.” He said and gave her another squeeze. “How’s your birthday coming along though?” He asked and looked around. It seemed it had been a good one so far. Everyone seemed more or less happy. 

 

Class ended, finally. Himchan had dutifully searched his apartment for Yongguk’s phone only to – of course – come up empty-handed. He had apologized to Yongguk profusely once he got to class and he hadn’t missed how Yongguk pocketed his hand to cover the outline of his phone in his pocket. It was cute really. Yongguk assured him it was alright and it wasn’t his fault his phone was gone. Himchan could hear the guilt and nervousness that was etched into Yongguk’s voice. _Cute_. Yongguk had worn the shirt they had bought on their date, and Himchan was thankful. It was a nice shirt that was easy to recognize in the hallways. Throughout the whole class, Himchan had noticed Yongguk repeatedly had reached for his pocket only to remember he wasn’t supposed to have it and then fidgeted with something else instead. Once the class was dismissed, Himchan packed his bag and cleaned up his table. Once he was sure he left nothing behind he slung his bag on his back and turned to face Yongguk.

“Let’s go. Also, I hope you don’t mind, but I have to do some reading. I didn’t manage to do all my homework in the weekend.” He warned him and Yongguk shrugged.

“Sure. So do I. Wouldn’t mind if we spent an hour on staying faithful to our education.” Yongguk chuckled. Himchan couldn’t help but nod in agreement.

“I think our college fund might like that.” He laughed and headed out of the class, letting Yongguk lead the way to his car. He wasn’t hard to follow with the green shirt. 

“I suggest once we get to my place I can make us some ramen and we can eat that before we start studying?” Yongguk suggested as he unlocked the car and Himchan nodded silently. As long as they finished studying first, he didn’t really mind what they were to do for the rest of the day. 

“I think you should focus on getting us home in one piece, and then we can worry about the rest. Also, I can make the ramen if you want to spend a little time on looking for your phone one last time before you announce it stolen?” He offered. He could see Yongguk tense slightly in his seat but he nodded. 

“Sure, that works.” Yongguk muttered. Himchan could hear in his voice he was hiding something. And Himchan knew just what he was hiding. His sister had so kindly pointed out to him that he had texted him from his phone. 

“I can help you call for it? In case it hasn’t run out of battery that is.” Himchan offered. He enjoyed playing with Yongguk a little too much. Yongguk looked around frantically and nodded slowly after a few seconds of hesitation.

“S-sure. You can call me. I’ll start in my room. Maybe it went down behind the bed or something.” He blabbered and pulled up in front of the apartment building. Himchan had to focus really hard not to laugh at his friend. They made their way up to Yongguk’s apartment and Himchan went straight for the kitchen. “Let me know when you’re ready for me to call your phone.” He told the slightly older and rummaged the kitchen for a put, two packages of ramen and began to cook – if boiling ramen could be considered cooking. 

“Okay, you can try give me a call now.” Yongguk called from his room. Himchan knew he most likely removed the phone from his pocket and place it somewhere in the room. Himchan decided to humor him and called him. It didn’t take long before the call went through and Yongguk’s phone started ringing from his room.

“FOUND IT!” Yongguk called from the room and returned to the kitchen with his phone in hand, smiling widely. Himchan was a little endeared by the amount of effort Yongguk would go through just to get to talk to him during the weekend. 

 

Himchan and Yongguk finished their ramen after Yongguk ‘caught up’ with everything he had missed on the phone and went to the living room afterwards. They settled down in each end of the couch with each their book and began studying. Himchan let himself indulge in the wonders of music theory while Yongguk had gone into multimodal communication. It took them the better half of two hours before both put down their books and stretched simultaneously. It became a weird tangle of legs, somewhere off the edge of the couch but they stretched and that was all Himchan cared about. 

“What now?” Himchan asked and pulled his knees to his chest, lower back supported by the armrest of the couch. 

“I don’t know. If you don’t mind, my favorite group just came out with a new music video. Do you want to watch it with me?” He asked and Himchan nodded. He wasn’t much for the whole music video thing. Too many people, too many sets, changing outfits and heck, even changing hair colors. He had given up on that a long time ago. He figured he could pay attention to the music instead of the video and hope Yongguk didn’t ask for his favorite member. 

Only that was exactly what Yongguk did.

“Who so you like the most in GOT7?” He asked and Himchan paled slightly. He looked at the moving pictures. _They all looked the same!_ Himchan was going crazy. The frame changed and Himchan saw a guy much more buff than the other members. He’d be able to recognize that. 

“That one.” He replied and pointed to him the next time he saw anyone being as buff as the first one he had seen. Could they just take a moment to appreciate tank tops and exposed biceps? 

“Jackson? You like Jackson? I didn’t see you as the type to like buff guys. I thought you were more for the taller ones?” Yongguk asked and Himchan shrugged.

“I like tall guys too, but I like Jackson’s personality too.” He said. It was a lie. He hadn’t seen anything of GOT7 that wasn’t music videos. He had no idea what Jackson was known for or what he was doing. 

“Right. So, you fall for their personalities?” He asked. Himchan could have sworn Yongguk sounded hopeful. Himchan pursed his lips and nodded slowly.

“Yeah? Isn’t that what I’m supposed to fall for? And then his voice.” He admitted. Jackson’s voice was hella fucking nice. A little rough around the etches when he rapped and deep-voiced. He liked it.

“Right. That too.” Yongguk said and started the music video over. “This time for the music.” He explained and Himchan laughed. 

“You just drool over them the first time and watch it once more for the song?” He teased and Yongguk just shrugged. “What can I say? They all look hella good.” He muttered.

“They kinda look the same to me.” Himchan says off-handedly. Only Yongguk had no idea how much they looked alike to him. 

“Do you know their names?” Yongguk asks curiously. Himchan shakes his head.

“Nope. I spend too much time on school to pay attention to the music industry when it isn’t the music itself. I’m studying traditional Korean music. I won’t need to know how idols are supposed to dance or entertain at variety shows.” He pointed out and Yongguk raises his hands in surrender. Apparently Himchan had been snappy. He always grew defensive when people questioned why he wasn’t like anyone else. 

“Alright. No harm. You know, my favorite TV show starts in a couple of minutes. Rizzoli and Isles. It’s a crime solving show. Do you want to watch that with me?” Yongguk asks and Himchan just nods. If he said no he would have to explain himself and he didn’t want that, and he could always look at his phone when he lost track of the plot after all. 

They settled comfortably on the couch again. They had switched ends. Yongguk had muttered something about having a serious end and a relaxed end. Himchan had only rolled his eyes and scooted over when Yongguk shooed him to the other end of the couch. Yongguk turned on the TV and leaned back into the cushion behind him. Himchan focused on the show. Crime show indeed. Two women in a tent, rushing out for a sale and one being killed. Got the plot started right then and there. Himchan tried to look at the features of the daughter, knowing she would be a vital person. A quick change happened. A woman with similar hair color showed, but different style, fewer curls, and a different voice. New person. Another woman, black hair and curls. Quite distinct. There are way too many faces in the introduction. Too many voices to keep track on and Himchan quickly gives up. That’s so not his thing. His attention picks up again when a person seems very confused, repeating clothes people wear and recall their voices. That got his attention back on the screen. Himchan focuses intently. The supposed bad guy acted strange, and he was easy to recognize for him. As he got questioned, Himchan instantly recognized the way he covered faces and focused on clothes or hair. He bit his lower lip and glances at Yongguk. He seemed caught by the show already. Himchan knew the man they had caught was face blind. He knew it. As the man confesses to being face blind, Himchan feels a surge of discomfort at the disbelief in the woman’s voice on the screen. He dares a look at Yongguk. 

“Sure, that’s a great way to avoid being questioned or hold as a witness.” Yongguk said, clearly not believing it was a thing. Himchan sucked in a deep breath and tried to focus on the show. The scene changed, the woman with the black hair was in a lab, a woman telling her about prosopagnosia. Himchan started to feel sick as she compared it with being scared of spiders and not being real. Himchan felt personally assaulted as they tested the witness. It was an interesting show, but their reaction was the exact reason why he didn’t tell people about the condition what so ever. They wouldn’t believe him. He felt terrible for the man being questioned. 

“That is hardly true. That’s not a thing.” Yongguk muttered as the scene changed to other scenes and the suspect wasn’t questioned anymore. Himchan didn’t say anything. Now that was why he hadn’t told Yongguk about his condition before. When the suspect isn’t on the screen, Himchan gives up paying attention. There is some side plot with an uncle coming to visit that they don’t want, but he gave up on that. He focused on the suspect and the prosopagnosia. 

The suspect recognized Detective Rizzoli, the woman with the black hair before she entered the room. He commented on the different length of her legs. As he mentioned it, Himchan realized that yes! He hadn’t paid attention to her steps before. It takes him a while to sort them out so that wasn’t really what he had paid attention to. He lost the plot as crime scenes, investigations and everything else took over again and he pulled out his phone. He didn’t even realize the show finished until Yongguk prodded him with a foot. 

“Hey, did you believe that guy? Being unable to recognize faces? That’s kind of far out, don’t you think?” Yongguk asked and Himchan locked the screen of his phone. He looked up at Yongguk and nodded slowly.

“Actually yeah, I do believe it.” He answered honestly, pulling a practiced voice, free and void of emotions.

“Really? I say it’s a load of bullshit.” Yongguk said and turned off the TV. Himchan would be lying if he said that didn’t hurt. He swallowed thickly and wetted his lips. 

“Yeah. I believe it. Quite a lot, actually. I knew it was a thing before this show too.” Himchan said and pressed his nails hard into his palms to distract himself from crying at Yongguk’s questions. 

“Really?” Yongguk said, clearly not believing him. He couldn’t see his facial expression, but his voice gave him away just fine. “And where did you hear it?” He asked.

“From my doctor. When he gave me the diagnosis himself.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN:// Hey people! So this update is out, and Himchan has finally spilled the beans. I'm going to have to thank @Bobpaullee for making me aware of this TV show and it's existence. It helped my plot come along perfectly and I got Yongguk twisted into quite a douchebag. 
> 
> To those interested, the episode they were watching was [Rizzoli and Isles season 6 episode 6 - Face Value](http://watchseries.cr/series/rizzoli-isles/season/6/episode/6). I tried to explain the main points without spoiling the show. And much like Himchan, I take forever to watch an episode of approx 40 minutes. Before I could follow all side plots in this episode and knew what was going on, I had to watch it 4 times. And the first two with a lot of thinking breaks in it. In total I think I spent about 5 or 6 hours watching this episode so I could keep up with the changes. 
> 
> Also, this allowed me to head off with a cliffhanger on Yongguk's reaction. I hope you don't hate me too much xD


	9. Chapter Nine

Himchan couldn’t read the expression on Yongguk’s face. He couldn’t read it no matter how hard he tried. He couldn’t see what the hell was going on and that was exactly why Himchan hated his condition. Mimic told a lot about feelings and thoughts and Himchan couldn’t read those things to save his life. Not recognizing people, he could live with, but never knowing what people thought or felt about what he said, that sucked. He could tell that Yongguk had blinked seven times since he had confessed to his condition and he still had to make a sound. Himchan was trying to be patient. He really tried to control himself and not just get up and leave like he honestly wanted to. Yongguk had made it pretty clear he didn’t believe it was a thing. Himchan tried really fucking hard to stay on the couch with Yongguk, but when he didn’t say anything and showed no signs of doing so anytime soon, Himchan stood up.

“I have to go.” He said and reached down for his bag next to the couch and collected his books to stuff them into the bag. “It’s actually a thing, so don’t expect me to greet you in the hallways.” He said once he had made his way to the door of the living room. Yongguk still hadn’t moved aside from following him around the room with his eyes. Seeing Yongguk made no move to stop him, Himchan left the apartment, bag slung over his shoulder. He walked along the building and headed towards the main road. He fished out his phone and searched the internet for public transportation and where he should go to to get home. He saw he was on the right direction and only had to walk around 7 minutes and he would be by the bus stop. He kept his phone out, plugged his headset in and played his favorite song on full blast. He busied himself with all sorts of games on his phone. He was solving minesweeper like a madman, fingers pressing the fields faster than ever. He needed to distract himself. Due to his speed of playing, he quickly pressed the wrong fields and he died four times, consecutively. He gave up and closed the app. He opened his contacts and scrolled through it. He needed to talk to someone. He dialed Junhong after a few seconds of hesitation.

“Hyung?” Came the answer after the second ring and Himchan felt a surge of relief wash over him.

“Junhong. Are you busy?” He asked, trying very much not to let on how emotionally unraveled he was. He could hear it himself, but he had no idea if Junhong could.

“No? I’m just out of dance class. Hyung, are you okay? Do you want me to come over?” He asked and Himchan nodded. Then he realized that Junhong couldn’t see him and quickly replied verbally.

“I’ll be home in about 30 minutes. Just come when you can.” He said and hung up shortly after that. Himchan quickly went to the app store on his phone and sought for new games to play. It had to be something hard. He needed to have to think about what to do to solve the mysteries. He needed something to think about while he waited. He couldn’t cry in public. And while he has been told the same thing gazillion times prior, it still hurt a whole lot more coming from Yongguk. He got on the bus and focused on the phone again, doing anything in his power to avoid thinking of Yongguk. He had ruined his statistics on Minesweeper and he was failing at playing Tetris. He hated it with a passion. But rather that than thinking of Yongguk.

 

There was a knock on the door and Himchan clutched the blanket he had curled up in a little closer.

“Hyung?” A muffled sound makes its way to his room and Himchan sighs. He had called Junhong himself. He got out of bed, wiped his tears off in his sleeve and forced himself to look somewhat collected. He knew it was impossible with how he had spent the past time crying. He knew his eyes would be red-rimmed and Junhong would catch on all too quickly. He opened the door once he was somewhat collected again and offered the best smile he could muster.

“Hey, Junhong.” He greeted him and the taller boy smiled at him.

“Hey, Hyung. How are you? You sounded out of it.” He said, getting straight to the point. Himchan let out a weak chuckle. He hadn’t been good enough at hiding it.

“I just need to talk to someone who won’t tell me prosopagnosia doesn’t exist,” Himchan said and stepped aside to let Junhong inside.

“Really? Someone said it wasn’t real?” Junhong asked and Himchan nodded in response. “Who?”

“My best friend,” Himchan said and he felt tears rise to his eyes again. He hated crying. It didn’t take more than a couple of seconds before Junhong’s shoes were off and his arms were wrapped tightly around Himchan’s body. Himchan lost himself in the embrace, head resting against his shoulder.

“Is he really your best friend when he says something like that?” Junhong asked and Himchan only shook in his arms. He couldn’t tell.

“He didn’t know,” Himchan argued, somehow wanting to defend his friend. “And he is my only friend…aside from you.” He added quickly. Himchan could basically hear the younger think.

“Come sit with me on the couch. Do you have some chocolate at home? I’ll make us some hot chocolate and then you can tell me everything that happened.” He offered and Himchan just nodded in agreement. As long as Junhong stayed with him he was cool with everything.

He brought Junhong into his apartment and placed himself down on the couch. He believed Junhong to call him if he needed help with anything. He wrapped the blanket around himself and curled up in one end of the couch. Junhong returned to the living room carrying two cups. He placed them down on the coffee table and sat down next to Himchan before he pulled him into another hug. Himchan leaned against the younger’s body and accepted the fact he might just need the physical contact more than he had first thought.

“Tell me when you’re ready.” He said and Himchan nodded slowly. For now, he just settled against Junhong’s side and basked in the body heat he needed so much.

 

Himchan told Junhong everything that had happened. From the date to the texts, to the show and Yongguk’s utterance of his disbelief. And his lacking attempt to stop him when he made a move to leave. Junhong didn’t say anything, simply let him speak and tell his story. Himchan ended up crying once again in the process of telling Junhong. As Himchan retold the story, Himchan realized how he was at fault too. If he had just been honest with Yongguk, they wouldn’t be in this situation. If Yongguk had told him he didn’t believe him back then, it wouldn’t have hurt the same as it did now, and Himchan might not have fallen for his friend. He came to halt with a shaky breath and hugged Junhong tightly.

“I screwed up, and now Yongguk is paying the price for my stupidity.” He concluded. Junhong made a sound of disapproval.

“I can’t say I don’t agree with you, but Yongguk isn’t innocent either. You do carry a big part of the responsibility yourself. And not to mention you could have told him basically _any_ other way and it would have been better than how you did.” Junhong pointed out. Himchan groaned but nodded in agreement.

“I know. It sucks. It just hurt so fucking much.” He muttered and cuddled closer to Junhong. “What if he will never talk to me again? What if I lost my best friend because I was stupid?” Himchan asked and looked up at the younger. He didn’t really know how he came to rely so much on Junhong for questions like these. He did. Junhong combed his fingers through his hair and pulled him in tighter.

“If he won’t come around, he isn’t your real friend. But you can’t just sit around and wait. _You’re_ the one who left. I think it’s perfectly legal to say he’s just as entitled to wait for you as you are for him.” Junhong pointed out. Himchan sighed and closed his eyes before he nodded.

“I hate that.” He admitted, frowning against Junhong’s chest. They settled against one another, holding on to the cups of now-lukewarm cocoa. They drank it just as the top of the cup gained the disgusting layer of skin and placed the cups aside. Himchan had broken the comfortable silence between them to thank Junhong a couple of times. Himchan was still curled up against Junhong’s side and he had stopped crying. There was a timid knock on the door. Himchan looked up at Junhong as if the younger would know who was knocking. Junhong shrugged in response and looked towards the front door.

“Come in!” Himchan yelled. He didn’t feel like getting up. He was too comfortable against Junhong’s side to consider getting up in all honesty. The door opened and Himchan had sort of been expecting one of his neighbors asking for a cup of sugar or similar. But instead, he hears Yongguk’s steps in the hallway. He swallows thickly and looks at Junhong for guidance. The younger only gets up.

“I’ll be in your room. You two need to talk. And he made the hardest work of crossing the distance to you. Now it’s your turn to meet him halfway and be ready to forgive.” Junhong whispered softly and squeezed Himchan’s shoulder reassuringly before he disappeared out of the room, greeting Yongguk on his way out. Yongguk looked around the living room and spotted Himchan on the couch. Himchan had secretly tried to hide behind the backrest and hoped to stay out of view from the other.

“Can we talk?” He asked as he stopped behind the couch. Himchan looked up at him and nodded slowly. Himchan curled up in one end of the couch and waited for Yongguk to sit down next to him. And awkward silence settled down between them once Yongguk sat down. None of them really know how to start. At least Himchan didn’t, and he assumed the case was the same for Yongguk since the silence hadn’t been broken yet.

“Prosopagnosia.” Himchan started. The word was spoken like it was punched out of him. It basically was. He was speaking the name of the elephant in the room, facing it head on.

“Yeah.” Yongguk replied, palms sliding across his knees awkwardly. He was thinking.

“Or face blindness. Or facial recognition problems. Call it what you want. A pet child has many names.” Himchan said and cleared his throat. He was gathering the loose ends on his thoughts and tried to make sense of them so he could explain everything to Yongguk. “It’s an actual thing. And I suffer from it. I haven’t always had it. I developed it when I was 12.” He started and bit into his lower lip.

“I’m sorry I said those things. I didn’t think it was an actual thing. I thought it was just some excuse to escape witnessing.” Yongguk apologized and Himchan shook his head. He couldn’t really use the apology for anything. Instead, he resumed his explanation.

“The brain bark at the back of my head…” Himchan started and motioned to the lowest part of his skull in his neck. “…It’s underdeveloped. It’s not as developed as it should be at this age. Some have it and it makes them dyslexic or unable to read numbers. Or lose the sense of direction. It’s also where prosopagnosia lays. The doctor thinks I hit my head on the headboard. People don’t develop prosopagnosia from day to the other without a cause. Either you’re born with it, or you get it through a head trauma. People who suffered road-side bombs can get it. Veterans. People who hit their heads in traffic accidents or similar. I suffered none of that. Instead, I woke up one day to a stranger waking me up.” Himchan took a breath and looked at Yongguk. “The stranger was my mom.

“Wow.” Yongguk breathed. He was clearly uncomfortable being there. Himchan hoped it was because he was sorry for telling him his condition wasn’t real, and not because he thought Himchan to be weird. “How do you even recognize yourself?” He asked and Himchan shrugged in reply.

“I don’t. I can’t. I know what I’m wearing. I know how my hair is styled. I tried to dye my hair a different color once to make it easier, but I didn’t like the attention that came with it. I recognize myself from all these small details about myself. Like how I’m wearing one earring only, I always wear graphic shirts so I can recognize the print and I know how my hair is styled. It gives me a chance to deduce that the reflection _might_ be me at some chance.” Himchan tried to explain.

“How did you know it was me who came then?” He asked then. Himchan couldn’t help but chuckle lightly. Now came the awkward parts. The weird and scary parts.

“As creepy as it sounds, it’s true. I can recognize your steps. I know how you walk. I know if you wear different shoes than you usually wear. The other day Sunny had changed shoes from sneakers to flip-flops. I thought we had a new girl in class.” He admitted before he turned back to the explanation at hand. “Other than that, I know your voice, I know what your school bag looks like. I know how you stand when you stand still.” He explained and lifted the cover up, attempting to hide from the older. It was slightly mortifying to explain everything and risk being called a freak. He hadn’t been prepared either. He hadn’t even practiced his answers.

“Can you recognize people in other ways?” He asked and Himchan nodded slowly.

“I recognize clothes, skin color, hair color, body shape, necks, hands, legs and more. The best though is glasses. People always wear the same glasses and is a safe bet every time.”

“How do you see faces then?” Yongguk asked. Himchan couldn’t blame him for asking.

“I see eyes, noses, lips and everything else, like any normal person. But I don’t see the differences. It’s so small differences there are in eye shapes, the shape of the nose and the lips. You distinguish it clearly, but to me, you all just look the same. You can compare it with zebras, I guess.” Himchan started and pursed his lips. “Not two zebras are alike. The same goes for faces. But Zebras look the same to us. They are white with black stripes or black with white stripes depending on who you ask. But you don’t know who is who if you see a flock of twenty zebras. You just know they look different but you don’t know how. That’s how I see faces. You’re all a flock of zebras and I have to memorize all your stripes, and when I blink, I erase my memory.” He tried to explain his situation the best he could.

“Alright. That makes sense, I guess.” He started and Himchan sagged with the sheer relief of having Yongguk believe him. “Next question. How do I help you?” He asked. To say Himchan was surprised was an understatement. He hadn’t been prepared for that at all.

“Well, the ways are many. Greet me in the hallways if I pass you. It’s nearly _impossible_ to tell your steps apart from all the others’ in the hall too. And frankly, I’m not listening for your steps at all times, so I might miss you.” Himchan explained and Yongguk chuckled.

“Makes sense. So, greet you if I see you. What else?”

“If we walk together and we meet someone, please say their name. Either whisper it to me or say it when you greet them. Like if we were to meet Junhong who is currently using my bed as a trampoline, just say ‘hey, Junhong’ when you greet him. That helps me a whole great deal in catching up socially. Then I am not spending the first 30 seconds of an encounter trying to figure out where I know the person from and who they are. And for the love of god, don’t ask me to help you find someone. I hate that task. Unless you have a clear description of their clothes. Then I can help you.” He explained

“Okay, no investigations of finding a suspect. I kind of see your problem with that. And telling people’s names if we talk to them. Okay. I can do that.” Yongguk said. Himchan nodded thankfully.

“And one last thing. Don’t walk away when we’re in the mall without telling me. I can’t figure out if you’re behind the shelf next to me or if you left me for some hot girl, asking her out for a milkshake.” Himchan said finally and something seemed to dawn on Yongguk. His mouth fell open at least and Himchan could tell he looked stupid.

“That’s what happened when we went before the weekend? You thought I had left you?” Yongguk concluded, though still having a questioning intonation. It was up to Himchan to confirm Yongguk’s suspicion now.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I thought. So, don’t ever do that again without telling me.” He warned him.

“I can do that too. I’ll bring a leash for your pants next time just in case.” Yongguk joked. Yongguk joked but Himchan saw potential in that idea. It might actually work. “I should probably get going. I still have to catch some sleep, and while I think your tall-as-hell friend is having fun on his makeshift trampoline, maybe it’s time you let him go too?” Yongguk suggested and Himchan nodded.

“Sure. I’ll show you out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN:// Aaaaaaay! Has anyone noticed how consistent I am with these updates lately? It's insane *^* I really got the drill for this story right now. So the updates will hopefully come on their own. There won't be much more chapters left. I'm thinking two or three more chapters and an epilogue.


	10. Chapter Ten

Himchan shut the door in Yongguk’s face. The contact between the door and the doorframe had been hard enough for specs of whatever wood from the door frame to fall into Himchan’s bangs. One hand was clutching at his chest, feeling the uproar of rebellion his heart was on. The other hand was on his lips, touching them ever so gently as if any touch would burst the bubble of tingles on his lips.

“What just happened?” A voice asked behind him. Himchan turned, eyes wide and disbelieving. “Hyung? What did he do?” Himchan heard the change in Junhong’s voice. It had gone from worried to fuming in point three seconds. Himchan stumbled a step backward and leaned on the door, not quite believing the whole thing that had just happened. There was a knock on the door behind him and he couldn’t find it in himself to open. Junhong’s steps were clearly angry and hesitant as they approached Himchan. He reached past him and locked the door before he wrapped an arm securely around Himchan’s shoulders and showed him towards his room. Himchan’s mind was racing with thoughts, yet it was void of anything coherent and it settled as an obnoxious buzz at the back of his head. He laid down on the bed with guidance from Junhong who settled down next to him and pulled him close.

“What did he do?” He asked after Himchan had spent an unknown amount of time staring into nothingness. The older blinked slowly and turned to face the younger next to him.

“He kissed me.” He said and turned his head once again to stare at the ceiling.

“What?” Junhong asked and Himchan could hear the disbelief in his voice. Himchan nodded slowly as a response to him.

“He kissed me.” He repeated and turned to face Junhong. Junhong’s voice had changed a lot since they had left the hallway. Junhong had appeared angry at first. Himchan sort of blamed the fact he slammed the door on Yongguk for Junhong’s misconception.

“Then why on fucking earth are you here and Yongguk is out there?!” Junhong asked, voice louder than Himchan had expected. The older flinched and sat up when Junhong shoved him towards the edge of the mattress. “I’m going to push you off if you don’t go answer the door right now! I thought he punched you!” Junhong said and placed his foot on Himchan’s thigh, ready to make truth of his threat. As if on cue, Himchan’s phone started vibrating in his pocket. He reached into it just as he was assaulted by a pain to his right hip, knee, and elbow. He rolled onto his back and groaned in pain.

“What the fuck, Junhong?” He asked and sat up, searching for his phone again.

“You didn’t get. I can’t believe I’m saving your ass twice in a day, hyung.” He said and pointed to the door. “Go. He is waiting. He has been knocking since you slammed the door.” Junhong said and reached out with his foot to poke Himchan’s arm.

“Keep your feet to yourself. Freaking long legs.” Himchan complained and let the phone be while he made his way to the front door again.

 

Himchan opened the door and was met by a very disheveled Yongguk. It was obvious that Yongguk had run his fingers through his hair so many times it didn’t know how to fall naturally anymore.

“Himchan! I’m sorry! I shouldn’t…”

“Yongguk, stop. Don’t hurt yourself.” Himchan interrupted him and looked at the slightly older. “It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you or that I am mad, I just _really_ need a moment to think.” Yongguk looked at him. Himchan couldn’t see the expression clearly and he hated it. He couldn’t see what Yongguk was feeling, thinking or anything of the likes. He was left solely for himself to fend for his heart. One that had ripped from his chest and was held in Yongguk’s hands now. And Himchan hadn’t fucking allowed it. He didn’t mind the kiss so much, it was the fact he felt he had a hole in his chest and Yongguk was holding his most precious organ in his hands.

“Oh…Okay. So, we’ll talk tomorrow instead?” Yongguk asked and Himchan nodded.

“Yeah, tomorrow. Before classes, after classes, I don’t really mind. I just need to get my mind straight…or gay…or whatever. Never mind. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Yongguk.” He said and Yongguk nodded slowly.

“Yeah, sure. Okay. Good night, Himchan.” He spoke softly and turned around to leave. Himchan watched him disappear down the hallway and only closed the door once he was out of sight.

“That wasn’t what I had in mind, but I guess it’s a start.” Himchan startled when Junhong spoke behind him and he turned around, clutching his chest.

“Fuck, Junhong. Can you not?” He said and shook his head. Junhong only laughed at him and shook his head.

“No. It’s my job to be your annoying younger brother. Your mom told me that a few years ago.” Junhong recalled and Himchan groaned in dismay.

“That traitor.” He muttered, no real bite to his words.

“She loves me. Can’t help I’m so lovable. Anyways, back to you. What are you going to do?” He asked and Himchan shrugged.

“Honestly, I have no idea. I’ve known Yongguk likes me for a while, but he never said anything. Like, he asked me on a date without telling me it was a date. He sent me a heart in a text, stuff like that. But he never told me.” Himchan tried to explain the situation. Junhong nodded as he talked, guiding him back towards his bedroom.

“Do you have a shirt I can borrow to sleep in? I think you need me to stay with you. You need someone to keep your thoughts on a string and keep them somewhat separated.” Junhong pointed out and Himchan nodded.

“You’re probably right about that. And yeah. I’m not sure it will be much longer than a crop-top to you, but it’s at least something?” He joked, knowing it would reach Junhong just fine, even if he was a few inches taller.

“I always wanted to try a crop top! Do you have a matching skirt too?” Junhong asked, clearly catching on to the joke.

“No, but I’ll my sister to bring you one next time I see her.” He announced and Junhong laughed.

“Let’s get you to bed. I think Yongguk kissed you senseless.” He concluded and nudged Himchan before guiding him to the bed. “I’ll just take a shirt in your closet. Is that alright?” He asked and Himchan nodded as he pulled his own sleeping wear on, after digging them out from under the blanket. They curled up in bed next to each other, Himchan automatically seeking towards Junhong. He loved cuddling and now Junhong was going to suffer through it.

 

Himchan laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t find the calm part of his mind to able himself to fall asleep. He counted how many times he blinked in a minute, and noticed a small mark on the ceiling from when he once threw a ball at it. Junhong and he had talked for the better part of an hour and Himchan had reached the conclusion that he would give Yongguk a chance. He did, after all, like his friend. And now he was trying not to care. He tried not to think about having to face Yongguk again in the morning. Realizing that sleep was a lost cause for him, he snaked himself out of Junhong’s arms and went to the living room. He paced back and forth in front of the couch, washed the cups from the hot chocolate. He knew if Junhong was awake he would tell him to sit the fuck down before he made a trail on the carpet. Now that he knew what message he was going to convey in the morning, he needed to figure out how. Which words to use. He needed to think up some kind of script. A speech. He needed to think of possible scenarios and prepare for each outcome. He needed to be ready and prepared for whatever reaction Yongguk might have to his confession. And he needed to explain to Yongguk why he hadn’t told him about his condition earlier on in their friendship too. He had quite a lot to come clear with too. Only when the digital clock on the TV read four fifty-something did Himchan feel tired enough to try his bed once more. He had barely hit the pillow before he was asleep.

 

Himchan was nothing short of suffering a mental breakdown. He was already beyond late for classes and his phone in the charger showed him a number of missed calls from Yongguk he couldn’t even say. Did that number even exist? He had showered and gotten ready to leave in record time. Junhong had already left and left a note on his kitchen counter about knowing he had been up too late and decided to let him sleep. Himchan had sent him a text of gratefulness before he rushed to school. He knew what he had to say to Yongguk. He had prepared the script for their conversation. It was well practiced and he knew exactly what he wanted to say and what Yongguk was going to tell him in return. It would only make sense that way. It was perfectly planned and prepared for. He got himself dressed, did a little extra than usual and straightened out in front of his mirror. He was ready to confront Yongguk. He left his apartment, walking towards his friend’s home. Yongguk would already be on his way back from school now. Himchan had slept in that much. He waited in front of the other’s apartment door, walking back and forth like a lion in a cage. His tracking was visible on the floor underneath his shoes. He ended up sitting with his back against Yongguk’s door, head thumping backward against the surface in a non-determined rhythm. His eyes were closed and he kept waiting for the owner of the apartment to return home. Tired of waiting with no sort of entertainment, Himchan plugged in his headset and started listening to music, trying to spend the time to collect his thoughts.

He had no idea how long it had been when he felt a nudge to his foot. Startled he opened his eyes and looked up. Someone was looking down at him. With music in his ears, Himchan didn’t hear him, but he read his lips just fine.

“Waiting for my friend to come back.” He replied and pushed himself into a standing position. He pulled out his earplugs and paused the music.

“Me?” Himchan froze, hand halfway towards his pocket with his headset.

“Yongguk?” He questioned though he already knew the answer. Yongguk was the owner of that voice. No one could sound anything close to that man. Yongguk dropped a bag in front of Himchan, one he recognized as Yongguk’s. That confirmed his question for sure.

“Himchan what are you doing here?” Yongguk asked as he reached past Himchan’s waist to unlock his door.

“I’m here to talk to you,” Himchan said, following behind the other. He placed his bag down inside the door and toed his shoes off as he waited for Yongguk to lead the way into his apartment. Himchan didn’t really know what he was supposed to do about himself after the afternoon and night before. Why hadn’t he considered the whole build up to when his speech would start? He felt exceptionally awkward. He followed Yongguk into his living room, taking a seat on the couch.

“Why are you here, Himchan?” Yongguk asked as he took a seat next to Himchan. Himchan felt like cowering some. The other seemed mad at him. It was like Yongguk was snapping at him in order to protect himself.

“Obviously, I’m here to talk.” Himchan deadpanned like Yongguk had asked the most stupid question in the world. Well, to Himchan it was. He had wanted to wake up early and meet Yongguk before class. But sleep had kicked his ass. He watched as Yongguk shook his head and looked away, seeming surprisingly upset and sad. Himchan furrowed his brows lightly.

“What’s up with you?” He asked the older. He watched as Yongguk’s shoulders rose and fell with a breath before the older decided to answer.

“Nothing. I don’t’ know. I am just really not looking forward to this conversation. That’s all.” He answered and Himchan furrowed his brows, doubt settling in his mind. Was Yongguk really regretting kissing him the night before? He hoped not.

“Listen, Yongguk, I’m sorry.” Himchan started, turning slightly to face the other better.

“I know. Don’t apologize. I shouldn’t have done it.” The older interrupted him before he had a chance to continue himself. Himchan frowned at his words and shook his head.

“Stop, Yongguk. Let me finish.” He said and took a deep breath to steel himself. The look he had at Yongguk’s eyes kept the slightly older quiet. Himchan was searching for his script again. They sat in silence for a while before Himchan exclaimed his frustrations.

“Yah! You’re supposed to stick to the script.” Himchan complained. He couldn’t think of anything he had planned the night before. It was gone. Wiped from his brain. Yongguk looked at him and even Himchan could see the confusion on his features.

“What? What script?” Yongguk asked confused and Himchan sighed dejectedly.

“How am I supposed to confess when you can’t stick to the script I planned all night?” He asked, ruffling his hair. Apparently, what he said caught Yongguk’s attention.

“What did you just say?” He asked. Himchan could hear the hope in his voice.

“I said I was going to confess. But I can’t now. All because you can’t stick to the script. First, you ask me out on a date without informing me it’s a date. Then you damn well show up in the middle of the night and kisses me and you expect me not to have a mental breakdown?!” Himchan exclaimed in disbelief, staring at Yongguk. “That’s not how I work. I’ve been up all night thinking about what to tell you after the kiss. You make me mad and then you show up at my door and you kiss me. You kissed me. Without warning. No more surprises Yongguk. I don’t do well with surprises.” He complained and crossed his arms over his chest. It was a childish move. He acted like a defiant child at best.

“Really? You want to confess to me?” Yongguk asked, words carefully pronounced and slow like he wasn’t sure what words he wanted to speak.

“Well, duh. I like you Yongguk. Why do you think I can recognize your steps before I can even see you?” Himchan complained before covering his mouth with his hand.

“You can do that?” Yongguk asked, head tilted with obvious amazement on his face.

“Yeah, so what, that’s my way of recognizing you. Now can we please get over this awkwardness of pathetic rambling before I run out that door to never return?” Himchan requested, pointing towards the front door.

Yongguk agreed before he leaned against Himchan, claiming his lips with his own. Himchan leaned towards Yongguk, meeting him half way in a chaste and gentle kiss before he pulled back thoughtfully.

“You thought, I was going to reject you today, didn’t you?” Himchan pointed out as realization dawned on him. Yongguk chuckled in embarrassment and nodded slowly.

“Yeah. You kind of slammed the door in my face, and you didn’t come to school.” He pointed out. Himchan chuckled lightly, shame evident on his face before he shrugged.

“I’m here now, isn’t that what matters?” He asked and leaned closer to press a kiss against Yongguk’s ear. Yongguk didn’t respond with much more than a nod and arms wound around Himchan’s waist. Himchan’s lips were claimed in a longer and firmer kiss.

“Be my boyfriend.” Yongguk requested breathlessly and Himchan couldn’t help but chuckle breathlessly.

“Sure.” He agreed and hugged Yongguk tighter.

“Let’s go on a proper date tonight. My treat.” Himchan said just as Yongguk leaned in for another kiss. The older broke into a gummy smile and nodded.

“I would love to.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN:// So, apparently I was lying. This is the last chapter in the present time. There will come an epilog (probably Thursday or Friday) 


	11. Chapter Eleven

“Soooooo~.” Himchan’s sister said, voice high pitched and eyes scanning over Yongguk. Himchan could see his boyfriend fidget awkwardly in the hallway and Himchan had to resist the urge to team up with his sister and tease Yongguk a bit. “My Himchannie got himself a _boyfriend_.” She said smugly. Himchan could hear the smirk in her voice. Himchan’s mind blanked for a second. She wasn’t out to tease Yongguk but to tease him. “He has grown up so well!” She said, pretending to sniffle. Himchan knew she was pretending to be like a proud parent. It didn’t take long before his parents appeared in the doorway too, smiling at Yongguk too. Himchan squinted. He had them all as suspects of wanting to tease him.

“Himchan, why don’t you introduce us to your friend?” His mother encouraged. Himchan didn’t even have time to open his mouth before his sister butted it with a helpful correction.

“Ma, it’s _boy_ friend.” She said, nodding smugly. Even Himchan could see the smug expression on her face. He made a mental note to curse her before bedtime. He reached out and brought Yongguk’s hand into his own and tugged him closer.

“Mom, Dad, Witch, this is Yongguk, my boyfriend,” Himchan said and reached out with his free hand to pat the front of Yongguk’s shoulder softly. Yongguk was having this wide gummy smile, shy and bashful. Himchan could feel how awkward and shy he felt and he found it absolutely endearing. He really had to resist the urge to lean in and kiss the corner of that shy smile.

“Yongguk, this is my family. This is my dad. The young looking one is my mom, the other is my evil sister.” He introduced them, making his mom giggle and his sister glare at him. He smiled widely, exaggerating an innocent smile as he squeezed Yongguk’s fingers softly. “And only my sister bites. My parents are safe.” He added on an afterthought. A horrified sound escaped his sister and Yongguk laughed softly. Himchan could hear how he tried not to let out a full-blown laughter. He figured he didn’t want to be impolite.

“Hyosung, get out of the hallway and let Yongguk take his shoes off.” His mother told his sister and his sister disappeared towards the living room. “Himchan, the dinner is done in fifteen minutes. Maybe you can show Yongguk around?” She suggested and Himchan nodded, letting go of Yongguk’s hand so he could get rid of his shoes. He took Yongguk’s jacket and hung it on a hanger so it wouldn’t be crumbled. Once Yongguk had finished, Himchan let him suffer his awkwardness of straightening out his clothes just to do _something._ It didn’t take long before he was taking pity on the other and reached out for his hand again, relieving him of the uncomfortable feeling.

“We’ll start upstairs. I’ll show you my room. Or what is left of it.” He said and brought him up the stairs, not letting go of his hand. He went down the hallway to his room and pushed the door open. His single bed had been switched out with a double bed and his blue shelf system had been switched out paintings and his old desk had been switched with a smaller round table with a pretty pot plant on. Despite the major redecorations, Himchan’s poster of Pororo hung above the bed. And that poster happened to be the first thing Yongguk’s eyes landed on. Yongguk went straight to stand next to the bed and smiled at the poster.

“Pororo fan?” He asked and Himchan nodded.

“Guilty as charged. He is my guilty pleasure. I have a few shows on DVD at home.” He admitted. Yongguk chuckled heartily at that and pulled Himchan into a side hug. Himchan quickly took himself a liberty and placed his head on Yongguk’s shoulder and glanced up at his side profile.

“I really like your red hair,” Himchan stated. It was completely off topic, but Himchan had the urge to say it. Like he had had every single day in the past four months. Every single day since he told Yongguk about his problems with faces and they had gotten together. Yongguk had shown up the next morning in school with a bright red hair and he had maintained it ever since. And it warmed Himchan in a way he knew nothing else could. He _knew_ Yongguk had dyed it for him so he could recognize him in a crowd. And if that wasn’t the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for Himchan, Himchan had no idea what was.

“I know.” Yongguk chuckled. It was that deep comforting rumble in his chest and Himchan found complete comfort and home in Yongguk’s arms. Yongguk leaned down and kissed the crown of his head before he held his chin between two fingers, tilting his head up for a proper kiss. Himchan turned from his position at Yongguk’s side to stand in front of him, hands settling on Yongguk’s hips. Yongguk released his chin and wrapped his arms around Himchan’s shoulders s they enjoyed the simple but lingering press of lips. Himchan kissed Yongguk a couple of times before he gave him a longer but just as innocent kiss while exhaling contently. Who knew there could be so much home and love in someone’s embrace? Himchan was sure he would always be able to recognize Yongguk by his way of hugging him. It was always such a warm feeling that wrapped him in a secure blanket of everything Yongguk. That was what he lived for. He was sure of it.

“Boys! Dinner is ready!” Himchan’s mom called from the ground floor. Himchan pulled back, smiled and leaned in for one last quick kiss before parting.

“It feels weird to kiss you in my childhood room.” He admitted and looked around fondly. “A good weird, though.” He quickly assured Yongguk before reaching for his hand once more, bringing him towards the door.

“Are you ready for the photo album?” Himchan asked and Yongguk nodded with a fond smile. “Good. And don’t trust everything they say. I don’t have a chance at telling them whether they are right or wrong in their stories. So, if something sounds unlikely, it most definitely will be.” He said, earning a warm laugh from Yongguk.

“Sure. All the embarrassing stories are false and all the cute ones are true?” He asked and Himchan nodded instantly with a bright grin.

“Yes! That’s definitely how it is.” He confirmed. They chuckled and left the room, hand in hand. They went downstairs and took a seat at the table. Dinner went well for the better part but was interrupted by his mother asking Yongguk about his choice of hair color.

“Honestly, it has always been black. But when I got to know about Himchan not being able to recognize me, I thought it was an easy way to help him. If dying my hair was what would make him able to tell me apart from anyone else in the room, then I’d gladly do that.” Yongguk answered. Himchan felt himself basically melt into his chair. That was the sweetest answer he could imagine. His mother didn’t seem to think so, though.

“Really? That was hardly necessary. Do you know how unhealthy hair dye is? Yongguk-ah, you should take better care of yourself.” She said and Himchan’s mouth fell slack in disbelief.

“Mrs. Kim, not to be rude or anything, but do you know how much energy Himchan spends on telling people apart every day? He is dead beat at the end of a school day because everyone looks the same. And as his boyfriend, it’s my duty to help him with the things I can. And if I can make his life easier by dying my hair, then I’m going to do it.” Yongguk countered. Himchan’s sister was smiling widely in her seat, nodding in approval to Yongguk while his mother hugged a little.

“It’s not that much of a problem.” She said with a shrug, earning herself a nod of agreement from her husband. Yongguk opened his mouth and Himchan had noticed how he had tensed in his seat. Himchan reached out a hand and placed it on Yongguk’s thigh and gave it a small squeeze, asking him to drop the subject. He knew his parents didn’t believe it to be an actual thing. They never had, even if he had brought home a paper with a test and the appropriate diagnosis from the doctor.

“They don’t believe it to be a thing. Just drop it. They won’t ever see it. I gave up a long time.” Himchan whispered to him. He knew his sister had heard him. The awkward shuffling next to him told him she had heard it. She had always supported him and had fought a brave battle alongside Himchan trying to convince their parents he really couldn’t recognize faces.

From that moment, dinner was awkward. They all finished their food and Himchan showed Yongguk the ground floor of the house before escaping upstairs again. They had to stay the night. They went into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed, hand in hand. It was obvious to Himchan that Yongguk was thinking about something. Himchan tugged his boyfriend closer by the hand and leaned his head on Yongguk’s shoulder.

“What are you thinking about?” He inquired. He didn’t want his boyfriend to worry about something that wasn’t changeable anyways.

“Your parents. I’m honestly surprised they don’t believe you more than they do.” He confessed and Himchan nodded slowly.

“There isn’t much we can do about that, really,” Himchan said and looked up at the slightly older male.

“But they should believe you.” Yongguk insisted and Himchan shook his head.

“No, they shouldn’t. It’s their choice. I just know I have to spend more energy keeping an eye on them.” He said and lifted his head from his shoulder and turned to face Yongguk, his fingers playing with Yongguk’s.

“That’s not good, though.” He insisted and Himchan smiled thankfully before he leaned in and nuzzled his nose against his cheek.

“I love you. My parents won’t change their mind. It would be a waste of time to try.” Himchan murmured softly and kept leaning in close, nudging Yongguk’s cheek with his nose to invite him to kiss him. Yongguk didn’t take long to respond and kissed him lovingly. Himchan smiled into the kiss and placed his hands on Yongguk’s sides and squeezed lightly before he tilted his head slightly to deepen the kiss. Yongguk’s hands settled on the back of Himchan’s neck, thumbs playing lazily in his hair. Himchan smiled contently into the kiss and pushed Yongguk backward with a careful hand on his chest. He climbed on top of Yongguk, kissing him softly, gently and oh so lovingly. Yongguk’s arms had tightened around Himchan’s shoulders instead of his neck, and Himchan’s knees were framing Yongguk’s hips. They were laying on the bed, chest to chest and kissed. He kissed Yongguk in slow and deep connections of lips. They parted ways with wet sounds of smacking lips before Himchan dove in again. Yongguk’s hands wandered from Himchan’s neck to his shoulders, to his lower back and finally settled on his hips. Himchan licked across Yongguk’s lips, asking for entrance. He was granted right away and he slid his tongue into Yongguk’s mouth, slowly swirling his tongue, humming slightly in delight. It didn’t speed up the kiss at all. It stayed the same deep and content pace.

The door to the room was opened and Himchan broke the kiss, looking up from his position on top of Yongguk and smiled at his sister. His sister took it less nicely, though.

“OH, MY GOD!” She shrieked and covered her eyes, backing out of the room as fast as she could. Himchan let out a laugh and looked down at Yongguk who was smiling up at him and shrugged.

“Hyosung? Come back in here.” He called and climbed off Yongguk to sit on the edge of the bed.

“But you’re doing… _stuff_!” She shouted from the hallway through the closed door.

“We were just kissing. We’re both perfectly dressed and no hair is out of place.” He called out to her, smiling still. He was amused by her reaction. Sure, he would have reacted differently if she had come in to them doing something that shouldn’t happen in the house of his parents.

“Are you sure it’s safe?” She asked and Himchan stood up. He was getting a little impatient with her act. He opened the door and smiled at her.

“All safe. Now come in. We don’t bite.” He chuckled and left the door open before he sat down on the bed next to Yongguk again. She eyed them suspiciously but entered the room after a few seconds of hesitation. “What can we do for you, Sis?” Himchan asked his sister and smiled at her, resisting the urge to touch his still tingling lips.

“Two things. Yongguk…” She turned to face Yongguk who perked up at the mention of his name. “Thank you for taking such good care of my brother. And the hair.” She smiled and glanced at Himchan before focusing on Yongguk again. “I really appreciate you dying your hair like that for Himchan. And I’m terribly sorry about our parents. They’ve never really understood Himchan’s troubles. It isn’t a physical handicap. It isn’t like he is missing a leg or he is blind in general. Those things they can relate to, but not this one.” She said and Himchan smiled gratefully. She was so sweet. He saw how Yongguk lowered his head and smiled that sunshine smile of his. He was bashful and shy. It was adorable. “And secondly, mom set out some cake if you want some for dessert. Seems like you don’t need it. You’re busy eating each other.” She joked and Himchan just grinned.

“Wouldn’t do something like that here. It’s their house. And it isn’t my bed anymore.” He pointed out and his sister smirked.

“Didn’t stop me from playing with Youngjae.” She said, waggling her brows at them. Himchan let out a horrifying sound and covered his ears while Yongguk choked on his laughter next to him.

“Too much information!” He called, shaking his head. “But now that we are on the topic of horrifying…Do you have a skirt I can borrow?” Himchan asked. Yongguk’s laughter died just as quickly as it had erupted and Hyosung’s laugh did the same.

“What?” She asked. Himchan was pretty sure she thought she had heard him wrong.

“A skirt. Borrow me a skirt. It’s for a friend.” He said, thinking of back then when Junhong had asked for a skirt to match the crop top. He was going to get it.

“Sure. That’s what I would have said too. For a friend. Sure. Let me find something. And I don’t want it back!” She added firmly. Himchan could imagine what she was imagining and laughed. That wasn’t going to happen. Unless Yongguk wore it. Now that was actually pretty hot.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN:// SO!! I lied. Apparently this wasn't going to be the last chapter. And I don't really think the next one is either... I have a feeling the remaining ideas I have will take two chapters. One chapter of actual story and one M-rated chapter. Just because I feel the sexual tension rise. So the next chapter will be the last actual chapter. The last last chapter is basically pwp.


	12. Chapter Twelve

“Himchan Hyung!” A voice called from behind Yongguk and Himchan. The latter turned around and was met with a tall young man. He hadn’t had time to actually pay attention to the voice of the one who called. But with the height, Himchan was pretty sure it was Junhong who had called him. The man approached them, a shorter boy following right behind.

“Junhong-ah!” Himchan greeted him, praying to higher powers the name was right. When the smile on the taller’s face didn’t disappear, he knew he had gotten it right.

“How did you know him?” Yongguk asked surprised and Himchan chuckled before tiptoeing to reach Junhong’s height.

“He is a freaking giant. Anyone that tall can only be Junhong. Especially when he is calling my name.” Himchan answered before he hugged Junhong as a greeting and turned his attention to the boy he was holding hands with.

“Hey, Himchan.” He said before Himchan had time to ask. Himchan was surprised. He blinked a few times, looked at Junhong for help who only grinned at him and back at the boy. He _knew_ that voice! He snapped his fingers a couple of times, earning himself a weird look from the boy.

“I almost got it. Hold on.” He murmured as he furrowed his brows in thought. “Jongup?” He asked finally. The boy released a wide smile and turned his head slightly. Himchan saw it right away. The small mole he had on his nose. Definitely Jongup. He used to refer to it as Jongup’s happy button.

“Woah! Jonguppie and Junhong, eh?” He asked, looking at the two men in front of him. One seemed shyer than the other as they slowly nodded in confirmation. “Congratulations babies,” Himchan said and pulled both of them into a hug before returning to stay next to Yongguk.

“Jongup. This is Yongguk. He is my boyfriend. Yongguk, you’ve met Junhong before. This is Jongup, another friend of mine and apparently the boyfriend of Junhong.” He introduced them to each other. A few handshakes were exchanged on the sidewalk and a comfortable silence settled over them. One Himchan was determined to ruin.

“Junhong. I actually have something of yours at my place. Are you busy? Do you have time to stop by and get it?” He asked and looked at Junhong. He waited as the two younger exchanged a few looks that Himchan would never be able to tell apart and he nodded. “Sure. We don’t really have any plans for the night, so if you have time and want to, we can come and hang out? Maybe drink a beer or two?” Junhong suggested. Himchan turned to face Yongguk, unable to communicate in the same silent way.

“I don’t have other plans tonight. Do you have anything planned?” Yongguk asked and Himchan shook his head.

“Nope. Then you’re more than welcome to join. Beware, the apartment isn’t really sparkling so don’t complain about dust.” Himchan warned the younger ones who instantly shook their heads. They wouldn’t dare. “Great! Let’s go get some beer and something for dinner and we can go.” Himchan concluded and clasped his hand with Yongguk’s once again, intertwining their fingers.

 

All four of them walked side by side on the sidewalk. Well, to be honest, Junhong was walking at the side of the road next to the gutter, and Himchan found it very amusing that Junhong only then matched height. It was funny really. It did have Himchan smiled to himself all the way to the stores.

“Hyungs. If you two get beer, we will get us dinner. It would be stupid to walk to the store to get the beer and then go back for pizza only to pass the store again on the way home. I want my pizza warm.” Junhong suggested and they all agree almost simultaneously.

“We’ll wait outside the booze store for you two then?” Yongguk asked and Junhong instantly nodded in agreement.

“Sure, that works. Then we can crash and Himchan Hyung’s place.” He said.

“Which pizza do you guys want?” Jongup asked. It didn’t take long before Himchan made a small jump and pointed to him teasingly.

“HE SPEAKS!” He exclaimed and quickly wrapped an arm around Jongup before he could get upset. Both Jongup and Junhong laughed at exclaim and Himchan joined in shortly after.

“I’m good with whatever. The only request is no pineapple.” He said and Yongguk nodded in agreement.

“Cool. And for the record, I sing too.” Jongup said and set off in a run, dragging Junhong with him towards the pizza place. Himchan looked at their retreating backs and then looked at Yongguk, offering him a fond smile.

“We would make awesome parents. Can we adopt them?” He asked and Yongguk let out a soundless laugh and looked at the ground before them, shaking his head. It was a thing Himchan had noticed whenever he did or said something cheesy or embarrassed Yongguk in a good way. Complimented him so he blushed. Himchan leaned in kissed his cheek before he laced their fingers together and swung them between their bodies in time with their steps. He was stupidly in love with Yongguk and he couldn’t do anything about it. Not that he really wanted to. They waved into the pizza place, earning themselves a couple of waves in return. Himchan didn’t really know if it was Junhong and Jongup, but he had tried to get their attention. They entered the store further down the street and grabbed a basket. Yongguk insisted on carrying and Himchan filled it with beer, soju, and snacks for the night. They paid for their stuff, Yongguk insisted on carrying the drinks. Himchan got permission to carry the bag containing three bags of chips if he _really_ wanted to do something.

“Bbang? Are they coming?” He asked and looked down the street from where they knew Jongup and Junhong would appear from.

“Nope. Not yet. Why?” Yongguk asked and Himchan offered him a soft smile.

“Because I think it has been entirely too long since you kissed me last time,” Himchan answered and puckered his lips in Yongguk’s direction. The older chuckled softly and released Himchan’s hand in favor of placing his hand on the smaller of Himchan’s back, pulling him closer. Himchan smiled at his boyfriend and leaned slightly backward, inviting Yongguk to follow him. He only stopped once his back was pressed against the house wall to the liquor store. Yongguk blanketed him with his body and their lips connected in smile-filled kisses. They weren’t really kissing. It was simple presses of lips with a lot of smiles whenever they pulled apart. Himchan occasionally released a low giggle. It was pure and radiant happiness. Both bags ended on the ground next to them, Yongguk bag more carefully than Himchan’s. Yongguk’s hands settled on Himchan’s hips and Himchan’s hands had found their way into Yongguk’s hair. He kissed slowly and kept it relatively innocently too. Himchan didn’t know how long they had been kissing, but someone had to interrupt their session by clearing their throat. Smiling sheepishly Himchan broke the kiss and looked at the tall and even taller figure in front of him.

“How can I help you, boys?” He asked, knowing very well who they were.

“Pizza is getting cold, so unless you two have the intention of eating each other, we are going now, and we would very much like a key for your place,” Junhong said, looking at Himchan. Yongguk pulled himself off of Himchan and they both picked up the bags.

“Good, let’s go then. We can eat each other later.” Himchan winked and took Yongguk’s free hand in his own while Junhong made a gagging sound behind them.

“Gross.” Jongup helpfully supplied and both Yongguk and Himchan ended up laughing.

“We can be much worse than that.” Himchan pointed out, smirking at the younger couple walking behind them.

“Please don’t show us. Spare our innocent eyes.” Junhong pleaded playfully and Himchan smirked at him.

“I’ll consider it.” He simply replied before he turned towards the apartment complex he lived in. He went to the right floor and unlocked the door, instantly ushering his friends and boyfriend inside.

“Alright, boys! Settle down in the living room. I’ll bring a scissor, glasses, and plates.” He announced and headed straight for the kitchen to grab just that. The others went into the room and settled on the floor. There wasn’t enough room for all four of them by the dinner table, nor was there room on the couch. It was easier on the floor. Himchan handed out the plates, followed by glasses and opened the box of pizza. He grabbed the scissor and earned himself a weird look from Jongup. It was so clear it was a weird look that even Himchan could see it and he only smirked in response.

“I don’t have a pizza wheel, and honestly, they suck to clean. A pair of scissors is so much easier than that.” He explained and grabbed the crust of the pizza and cut his way through, turned the pizza and repeated the action. While Himchan prepared the pizza, Yongguk had handed out bottles of beer for all of them and placed the soju in the fridge.

 

“Oh right!” Himchan exclaimed after the pizza had been devoured and the first two sets of beer appeared to be empty bottles, shoved under the coffee table. _Less chance of kicking them over_ Jongup had said. Junhong had done the dishes together with Himchan and now all of them lounged around on the floor in the living room, bottles of various degrees of emptiness in their hands. They were well started on Truth or Dare too. “Junhong! I have something for you. That’s why you came along in the first place. Come with me, young one.” He slurred slightly and got up. Junhong followed shortly after, complaining about there being far up from the floor.

The two disappeared into Himchan’s bedroom and Himchan closed the door behind them once the younger had entered along with him.

“Did I forget anything last time?” Junhong asked curiously and Himchan shook his head.

“Not really, but you asked for something and I wanted to let you know that I now have it.” He announced and dug into his closet before pulling out a plastic bag. He handed it to Junhong who peeked into it. Himchan watched the taller boy look at the content, hoping to gauge a reaction. But there was no horror, no disgust, not disbelief, only pure amusement.

“Are you serious? Did you get me a skirt and a crop top? Hyung you’re awesome! Okay. I’m going to wear this and wear my normal clothes on top. You’re going to dare me to strip. I want to Guppie’s face when he sees the skirt.” Junhong said excitedly. And who was Himchan to deny?

And so just like planned, Himchan dared Junhong to strip. Yongguk knew about the skirt, but Jongup knew nothing, and Himchan was excited to see both of their reactions. Junhong was standing by now and smirked at Jongup. He swayed his hips sensually as he undid the button in his pants. Jongup looked mildly horrified by was watching with interest nonetheless. Junhong pulled the pants down his legs. Himchan couldn’t help but laugh. Junhong’s shirt was longer than the skirt and he mentally thanked his sister for giving him one of the short skirts. Himchan took a look at Yongguk and earned himself a curious look. He nodded once and Yongguk gave a nod of acknowledgment in return. Himchan could sense in Jongup he wasn’t prepared for what was going to happen. Jongup suddenly looked slightly hungry for his boyfriend. Junhong smirked at him and made quick work of his shirt. As the fabric dropped to the floor together with the pants, Jongup’s breath hitched. Junhong smirked and cocked his hips to the side and posed in the most sexual yet feminine pose Himchan could imagine the boy in.

“Oppa~!” He cooed and Himchan let out a roar of laughter followed by Yongguk right away. Jongup’s reaction was far more animalistic and heated.

“Call me that again and we’ll have to borrow Himchan’s bedroom.” He warned causing Himchan’s laughter to die instantly.

“No fucking way. There’s no way. Nu-uh. My room, my bed, that’s for me only.” Himchan said, letting his shoulders shake lightly with the shiver that traveled through his body.

“But where do you intend for us to sleep then?” Junhong asked. Himchan pointed to a spare room.

“There’s a mattress behind the door. And if you’re going at it like bunnies, the sheets are going home with you. And I need it back tomorrow evening. My sister is coming to stay the night.” He warned them. Junhong and Jongup shared a look that Himchan couldn’t decipher, but he was pretty sure it meant he shouldn’t let his sister know about activities on the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we reached the last chapter with an actual plot. Junhong in a skirt and all xD  
> You can consider the story done here as the next chapter will be a scene for HimGuk shippers and will be plotless but contain smut.  
> For now, HimGuk is set. There might be JongHong too, but no promises. Depends on how long the HimGuk smut becomes.  
> Also, an extra note; if anyone like the concept of prosopagnosia and HimGuk, I shall link you all to a gem I found: [A face to remember](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12572976)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smutty bonus chapter and horrified Hyosung at the end. That's basically all you need to know

The living room was a mess and Himchan was pretty sure he needed to disinfect the hallway and wash his eyes his eyes with sulphuric acid after the things he had witnessed in the remaining time of the game they had been playing. But then again, Junhong and Jongup were most likely no better off. They had been dared to make out in front of them and Himchan hadn’t hesitated for a second before he had Yongguk pinned to the floor, straddling him. He was smirking against Yongguk’s lips from the reaction that erupted from behind them, but he was soon distracted by Yongguk’s kisses and his fingers in his hair. They hadn’t been given time to make out in and Himchan deliberately ignored the first three coughs to get their attention again. Only when Junhong literally dragged him off his boyfriend did they part ways. Yongguk sat up next to him, breathless, ruffled and a little roughed up if the redness of his lips were anything to go by. Himchan looked at Junhong and they exchanged a brief moment of silent communication and they both nodded simultaneously. Himchan couldn’t explain silent communication. There were no facial expressions that laid grounds for mutual understanding, they just happened. Junhong stood up, offered Jongup a helping hand and headed down the hallway to the spare room. Last glance Himchan gave them and Junhong had Jongup pressed up against the wall and snogged him like his life depended on it.

“Lube is in the bathroom! Replace the bottle together with the sheets! Condoms the same!” Himchan shouted at them, grabbed Yongguk’s hand and disappeared into the master bedroom of the apartment. Both Yongguk and Himchan were laughing once they closed the door behind them. They had a hard time stopping again, both of them clutching their stomachs. And whenever they managed to calm down their laughing, all it took was a look at one another and laughter erupted again.

“I can’t believe your childhood friend is fucking his boyfriend on your spare mattress,” Yongguk confessed through gasps of laughter. Himchan had to admit he couldn’t either. But while he probably should be put off by if, he found it quite nice. He was happy that Junhong and Jongup were comfortable enough with him to do something as intimate as that in his apartment. And that they managed to joke about it too made it all that better.

“You know, I kind of refuse to listen to them go at it like bunnies. I refuse to listen to someone having sex in my own apartment when I’m not getting any.” Himchan said bluntly and Yongguk froze in the middle of removing his shirt. The hesitation only lasted so long before the shirt was removed completely and Yongguk opened his arms in invitation.

“Can’t have you suffer through that now, can we?” Yongguk asked once Himchan stepped into his embrace. Himchan puffed his cheeks and shook his head. Yongguk laughed and kissed his nose lovingly. “Why don’t we show them how it’s done then?” Yongguk asked and Himchan smirked. The pout had no trace of existing anymore. Himchan, on the other hand, was slowly backing Yongguk up against the mattress until his legs caught on the frame and he fell onto the mattress. Himchan let Yongguk settled down completely before he climbed on after him. He placed his palms firmly on Yongguk’s chest as he leaned down to kiss him again. This time it was far more heated than prior and carried traces of lust too. Yongguk’s fingers tangled in Himchan’s black locks and his legs spread beneath the younger. Himchan settled down between his legs and lowered himself onto Yongguk’s body, his hands settling on the mattress next to his shoulders. He tilted his head and deepened the kiss, tongue flickering across his lips. Yongguk groaned softly and parted his lips for Himchan who didn’t hesitate before he was engaging their tongues in an intense dance. Himchan lowered himself further onto his elbows and pushed his weight onto one. The free hand came up to wander Yongguk’s chest, thumb and index finger brushing over a dusty nipple.

“Don’t tease.” Yongguk complained and Himchan chuckled in amusement as he gave his nipple a hard pinch. The groan he received told him Yongguk was still annoyed. Himchan only found that amusing.

He trailed kisses down the other’s thin but muscular chest and sucked a few blemishes along the way. Yongguk was squirming beneath him and his lips. Yongguk’s hands tangled in his hair and Himchan absolutely loved the feeling of his roots pulling at his scalp. He groans hotly against Yongguk’s perky nipple, causing Yongguk to moan just the same. Himchan circled the perky nub with his tongue before he enclosed it with his lips, sucking at it. He glanced up at the older through his fringe and resolved to bite into his chest. He didn’t bite hard, just enough to make Yongguk cover his mouth to silence the moan that threatened to escape him. Himchan chuckled at him and trailed his kisses lower on the other’s chest, crossing over his abdomen. He licked along the small dip between his abs and smirked as Yongguk squirmed beneath him.

“C-Chan.” He warned. Himchan would be lying if he said he didn’t take pride in the other’s state. He took pity on his boyfriend and lowered himself enough to wrap his lips around the crown of his dick. The sound Yongguk released was impossible low. Himchan was completely convinced Yongguk could work as a bass in an acapella orchestra. He wondered if he hit just right if he could be considered a tenor too. Himchan, unable to control his own thoughts, pulled back to laugh. Yongguk looked down and Himchan believed it to be annoyance on his face. He squeezed the older’s thighs softly and covered his mouth, shaking his head to shake the thoughts from his mind.

“What?” Yongguk asked and Himchan knew he was right. Annoyance was the right word.

“Nothing. It’s nothing. Just a fleeting thought.” He said and nestled himself between his legs again. “I’ll get back to what I was doing.” He announced and licked Yongguk from base to tip and sucked him into his mouth again. The groan he received in return proved he was forgiven instantly. That was just as expected. After all, who could really stay mad at the person sucking you off? Himchan took Yongguk in as far as he could get and hummed around him. He didn’t do it for long, just long enough to make Yongguk moan and tighten his hold on his hair. He pulled off and swallowed down a few breaths only to be flipped around by his boyfriend. He laid splayed out on his back, arms and legs not-so-charmingly spread out against the sheets. Himchan laughed to himself as he collected his wild limbs just as Yongguk leaned down to kiss him. He tried not to smile too widely, not finding it particularly nice to kiss teeth. Yongguk didn’t seem to mind though and only smiled into the kiss too. Himchan really tried to kiss Yongguk back, but he wasn’t capable of getting the smile off of his face. Luckily, Yongguk moved on without complaint and kissed down Himchan’s neck and on to his chest. Himchan released a soft chuckle. Their sex wasn’t perfect nor was it necessarily mind-blowing, but it was sweet and fun and none of them left the bed disappointed. Yongguk straddled Himchan’s hips and sat straight up from his waist. Himchan grabbed a hold of Yongguk’s hips and rubbed his thumbs in soft circles before he squeezed the firm protruding hipbones.

“You’re so gorgeous when you’re sitting on me like that.” Himchan mused as he let his eyes rake over Yongguk’s exposed body. To Himchan, this was the definition of beauty. Yongguk with his red hair, thin body, and the tattoo across his chest. The lust-blown pupils and dick standing to attention in front of his abs. He was gorgeous and Himchan was absolutely in love with the man, happy he had someone like him to share his life with.

He moved his hands to settle on the barely-there-but-still-perfect buttocks. Yongguk leaned forward and blanketed Himchan with his body, making the slightly younger smile widely up at him.

“Are you ready, baby?” He asked and pulled his buttocks apart. Yongguk pressed a kiss to his nose and nodded.

“Always ready for you.” He promised and placed his hands on either side of Himchan’s shoulders. Himchan reached for the lube and lathered up his fingers generously. He poured a little lubrication on the cleft of the older’s ass. Taking Yongguk’s gasp into a count, the substance was cold between his buttocks.

“Sorry,” Himchan muttered softly as he felt around for Yongguk’s puckered entrance. He circled the hole slowly with the tip of his index finger, feeling the excitement of what was to come thrum through his body. The apology fell for deaf ears as the response was a warning groan of Himchan’s name. It was obviously a wordless order to make Himchan get a move on with his task at hand. And who was Himchan to disobey his boyfriend? He pushed the first finger into him down to his second knuckle before pulling out again, only to repeat. Yongguk tensed slightly above him, lasting for about a second. Himchan knew it was happening, it always did when they started. Himchan imagined it to be a natural reaction for the body to being penetrated where it shouldn’t – if you ask homophobes on the human anatomy. Yongguk was doing much better within seconds and spread his legs further to the sides to give Himchan more room to stretch him. Himchan quickly worked him open enough to fit a second finger inside him along with the first and raised his head up to pepper Yongguk’s face in small kisses. It was like a wordless language they had agreed upon. Himchan would kiss his face when he stretched him and Yongguk would claim his lips when he was ready for another finger. The kiss would break when they both lacked air and Himchan would resume the kisses on his face and Yongguk would repeat when he was ready for the next again. Some people would say they had already gotten a boring sex life, but Himchan would beg to differ. Sure, they had a habit down when it came to stretching and preparing for penetration. It was like that because it worked and they were both comfortable with it. It was a way to ensure no one was hurt in the process. But just because stretching was going on routine, it didn’t mean everything else did. For example, it wasn’t every time they had sex that Himchan sucked him off. Sometimes he would eat him out instead, or Yongguk would stretch himself. They would have sex everywhere else but in the bed – but today was an exception as Junhong and Jongup were just down the hall. So really, them having sex in the bed was a change already.

Himchan was stretching Yongguk with four fingers by the time Yongguk moves to sit up. Himchan gets the hint and pulls out his fingers while looking up at his boyfriend.

“How do you want to do this?” He asked and Yongguk pursed his lips for all but a couple of seconds.

“I want to ride you first and then you can fuck me good.” He said. Himchan blinked at the change in vocabulary in his boyfriend but smirked as the words registered in his mind. The feeling in the room just changed hundred and eighty degrees from sweet and loving to pure and raw lust. Himchan reached for the lube again and made sure his dick was thoroughly covered before he let Yongguk adjust himself to hover above him, ass lined up with the tip of his dick. It took a couple of tries before Himchan felt the head of his dick sink into the other’s body, enveloped in a tight and hot heat. The sensation of Yongguk around him surprised him every single time they had sex. He would never get used to the feeling of Yongguk so incredibly tight around him and still moving. He could only imagine it would hurt to take in a dick, but Yongguk took it like he was born to take one. He was sinking down onto him in a slow but steady pace until his ass was pressed against his hips. Only when Yongguk settled all weight on Himchan did Himchan dare to breathe. The tightness was amazing, incredible and every other synonym in the dictionary. He was sure he could go on and on about the tightness in romantic tangles of tones into a stanza or five. But the mood wasn’t exactly romantic. It was hot and needy and filled with lust. Not only that, but it was also wound tight on a string of anticipation and the only thing keeping them in place was the wait for Yongguk’s broken ‘please’ he would release when he was ready.

When it came, the sound was a pitch higher than anyone would believe Yongguk to be able to go, but Himchan wasn’t surprised. It was the same sound as always. But it didn’t make it any less hot to hear. Himchan grabbed Yongguk’s hips tightly and helped him move. He kept his own ass pressed firmly into the mattress below him and waited for his signal to help or take over completely.

Yongguk rose on his knees, his ass and insides pulling deliciously at Himchan’s length, leaving only the tip inside him. He lowered himself back down, and Himchan groaned in pleasure at being sucked into the heat once more. Yongguk felt amazing when he rode him. He always felt amazing. Yongguk repeated the movement and slowly built a pace that didn’t feel like torture to both of them. Himchan was groaning in pleasure whenever Yongguk came down on him and Yongguk moaned whenever the tip brushed against the tissue surrounding his prostate but never stimulated directly. Yongguk rode him with determination and for as long as he could. Himchan had helped him the best he was allowed by helping some of his weight with his hands. Whenever he had tried to trust up into his boyfriend he had gotten _the look_ from him, telling him to stay on the mattress. Yongguk was panting heavily above him and Himchan knew he wouldn’t keep his riding up for long. When he gave up, Yongguk rolled onto the other side of the bed and spread himself out wide. He didn’t have time to reach for Himchan before the younger was settling between his thighs and was hovering above him. He pushed into Yongguk with much more ease than the first time and pushed in hard enough to create a lewd sound of skin slapping against skin.

“Oh, fuck! Yes!” Yongguk cried out at the change of pace and reached down and pulled at his own erection while looking up at the younger. Himchan smirked at his boyfriend and repeated his thrust with increasingly more force. He knew Yongguk loved it hard, and he himself lived giving it hard too. He reached out for one of Yongguk’s legs and placed it on his shoulder, getting the right angle for his prostate and slammed into him as hard as he could muster. He was moaning for Yongguk whenever he had the brain capacity to form a single coherent thought. Yongguk did the same, only he had a much harder time at forming anything but random gurgles of pleasure. He thrust into his boyfriend to the point where Yongguk was close to screaming from pleasure and had to shut him up with a kiss. He was sweating from the effort, but the way Yongguk tensed up beneath him with each thrust was totally worth it. He knew Yongguk wouldn’t last much longer and he sure as hell wasn’t either.

 

“AYO!” Hyosung’s voice came from the front door of the apartment. Four pairs of eyes looked at one another in a short moment of panic.

“Sheets?” Himchan whispered across the table to the two youngers. Junhong scrambled up from his seat and made a run for the guest room.

“Hey, sis!” Himchan called at her sister, followed shortly by a chorused greeting from Yongguk and Jongup and a slightly muffled one from Junhong.

“I didn’t know you had guests,” Hyosung complained from the hallway and Himchan laughed softly.

“Correction, you didn’t know I had friends.” He claimed, earning himself a ‘you said it’ from his sister and a hearty laugh from his guests. “Junhong, you might want to wash those on the warmest option,” Himchan called after the youngest. He didn’t get a reply, but it didn’t take long before he could hear the tell-tale sound of the lock on the washing machine click into place. Hyosung appeared in the room not long after that and greeted all of them with a wave and Himchan got himself a one-armed hug.

“Why is Junhong doing your laundry?” She asked and Himchan smirked as he looked at Jongup.

“Let’s just say you’ll be happy about clean sheets.” He said and grinned up at his sister. The horrified sound his sister made would forever haunt Himchan in his nightmares, but the expression she made was entirely too funny.

“No fucking wonder you all look like you’re competing with the sun at shining the brightest. You all got laid last night.” She concluded and smacked the back of Himchan’s head with a flat hand. “You usually don’t let guests have sex in your home.” She scolded him and Himchan only shrugged.

“Now, sis. If only you had a boyfriend yourself you’d be more than welcome to borrow the mattress too. Same rules though, you clean the sheets yourself.” He said and stood up, grabbing a plate and utensils from the cupboard in the kitchen. He placed it in front of his sister just as Junhong reappeared with a sheepish expression. “The mattress is airing on the balcony, just in case.” He said and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Oh, my god! How much sex did you have?” Hyosung exclaimed and Junhong and Jongup shared a look. Himchan was quick to conclude on behalf of his sister.

“You really don’t want to know.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this marks the end of this story the second time.   
> I'm much more satisfied with how it ended up this time than it did the first time, so thank you for those commenting on the original work with questions to answer and suggestions on things to direct critiques to :)   
> Thank you for those sticking around through this story and thank you for all the wonderful and curious and supportive comments. They warm nicely.


End file.
